My Thoughts
By:
Christa Constantine
I don’t think moving back to the city is a
good idea. I want to stay in the vast open spaces of the country. I know I should be packing right now, but I can’t remove myself
from the soft grass. The ground is warm underneath me and the sun keeps me from
opening my eyes. The slightest breeze keeps me from sweating. My secret place
is a resort of peace and tranquility.
How
was I supposed to leave this? I don’t want to live in a place where there are
more buildings than trees. I’ve learned to enjoy the sights and sounds of
nature. I know that when we first moved out to the country, I thought my parents
were crazy. I was only eight then. I didn’t realize how much I needed the fresh
air even though they didn’t really move on my behalf. My mom was pregnant with
my little sister, Abby. Apparently, I didn’t turn out well enough being born in
the city life. My parents didn’t want to make the same mistake on Abby. I guess
it worked because she doesn’t have an evil bone in her body. She can get on my
nerves sometimes, but I guess that is the ‘city girl’ in me. I don’t know what
it is, but my parents have always liked Abby more than me. The move back to the
city…was for her. I took in a deep breath and sighed. Nothing could feel worse than
being ripped away from paradise and going back to the over crowded city.
The
running stream beside me calls me, “Dip your feet in, Danni.” Trees outline the
stream like a small forest. I found paths through the forest when I was a
little girl and marked my trails. I know the perfect tree branch to sit on that
stretches over the water. When I was little my legs didn’t reach the water from
that branch, but they do now.
The
childish memory of climbing that tree for the first time, showed up on the flat
screen TV in my mind.
It had only been the second day
after we moved when I ventured out and found it. “I can do this!” I shouted out
loud, my voice high, little, and innocent. I have the tendency to talk to
myself a lot. Sometimes my voice is inside my head and other times it is out
loud. As a little girl, I talked out loud more often. “If you don’t jump,
you’re a chicken and I won’t talk to you for another week!” I thought
bargaining with myself was a good idea. That made my parents think I was bipolar. “I
can’t do it, though!” I started to whine to myself. “Yes you can! I believe in
you.” I shout back at myself more confident.
“What are you doing?!” A little boy
about my age heard me talking to myself. He was on the other side of the
stream. “Who are you talking to?” His
voice was a high squawk.
My face turned pink as a rose. I
crossed my legs, swayed back and forth, and blinked my eyes. “I’m just talking
to myself.”
The boy looked at me funny. I guess
he was ‘too old’ to talk to himself. “Want someone to talk to?” Mom had read me
fairytales; I thought he was Prince Charming.
“Well I just need mo-ti-va-tion to get
up to that branch!” I wanted to impress my prince.
“That isn’t very safe. What if you
fall in?” He didn’t help much with the motivating.
“What if I don’t?” I snapped at him
putting my little fists on my hips. “Prince Charming is supposed to be brave
not safe.”
“Who’s Prince Charming?” His voice
questioned me with every word.
“You, silly! Don’t you know you’re
a boy?” I flung my hand up at him.
“Of course I do! My name isn’t
Prince Charming, though. I’m Anthony. What’s your name?” Now his voice became
excited to meet me.
I became shy and whispered my name
melodiously. “Daniela is my name. You can call me Danni for short.”
“Danny is a boy’s name.”
I gasped, my jaw dropped, and I got
angry. I yelled at him. “Is not! I spell my nickname with an ‘i’ at the end
which makes it a girl’s name! My old friends use to call me that!” There was a
little bit of a snob in my voice. I was a little drama queen.
“Whatever you say, but I’m gonna
call you Daniela. I think that is a purtty name.” Anthony smiled.
I quickly snapped out of my angry
mood and giggled. “Thank you.” My eyes caught sight of the branch; I was still
determined to jump on it. “I’m gonna jump now, Anthony.”
“Be careful.” His voice sounded
nervous.
“One….Two…..Three!” I jumped and
missed the branch. Splash! I was in the stream. The current wasn’t very strong
because it hadn’t been rainy season, yet. “Ahh! Anthony, help me!” I screamed
sopping wet with my tears and water around me.
“I’ve got you, Daniela, give me
your hand.” Anthony did a great job helping me out. “Come home with me so you
can get all dried off.”
“My house is on the other side of
the stream. How will I get back without swimming if I’m dry?” I started to
shiver.
“I don’t want you getting sick. My
momma can drive you back.” I nodded as my teeth chattered. Anthony grabbed my
hand and walked me to his big white house. He was my neighbor, and we were only
separated by the stream.
I
blink out of the memory. A smile crosses my face. I jump onto the branch before
I continue thinking about Anthony.
He had become my first friend and
first love moving to the country. His parents loved me the moment I walked
through the door. They dried me off and took me home. My mom and his mom
connected and became friends. When my mom told me that Anthony was at the same
school with me I was thrilled. It was hard for me to adjust to a new place as
an eight year old; I think it would have been harder for me to adjust to a new
school without Anthony there.
I
put my thoughts on hold for a moment to splash my feet in the cool water. I
love doing this, wandering off and just sitting in the stillness of nature and
rethinking the favorite parts of my life. I feel like it is necessary since
I’ll be leaving this wonderful place for a year.
Anthony brought me in on my first
day of school like I was a toy for show and tell. He took me in by the hand and
showed me off. “This is my friend Daniela. She is new here and I got to meet
her first. She is very braved and jumped into a stream, but I saved her. Isn’t
she purtty?” I gloated in his comments. Other boys and girls crowded around us
to ‘oo’ and ‘ahh’ about what Anthony was saying about me. Everyone took turns
holding my hand asking me questions. I felt like a celebrity on my first day of
second grade. I remember going home and kissing my mom’s belly thanking Abby
she was going to be born. She was the reason I got here in the first place. I
slowly became a regular at school and kids weren’t as excited to see me.
Thinking about it now, I’ve noticed not too many new kids come to the country
schools. Being a new kid is a big deal.
In third grade, like most boys
Anthony decided I had cooties. He wouldn’t be my friend at school only at home
by the stream where he didn’t have to touch me. Sure it made me sad, but I made
new girl friends like Mel. She called me Danni. She was a tomboy and I loved
hanging out with her. She was tough, cool, and adventurous like me. She didn’t
think as much as I did, but she was awesome! I spent my third grade and fourth
grade years with her as my best friend. With Abby being born, I spent more time
at Mel’s house anyway since my mom was too tired to deal with me. Even though,
I wasn’t that much of a hassle as a kid. At least, I didn’t think so. The more
I spent time with her, the less I saw of Anthony, which was okay.
In fifth grade, Anthony decided it
was okay to be friends again. We would meet on the tree branch and talk after
school sometimes. I found out that he was as thoughtful as me. I really liked
that about him. That year I also found out, Mel had a crush on him and I didn’t
want that to happen. I broke my friendship with her and was friends with
Anthony and his friends. I know I made Mel angry because she was usually the
one who hung out with the guys and I took her spot. She dropped the tomboy act
and became a fruit loop. That is my term for any snotty uptight girl who flirts
all the time and wears pink almost everyday. We became worst enemies, but it
was okay because I got Anthony.
Through six and seventh grade, my
tough girl attitude made the other guys like me a lot, but it didn’t impress
Anthony. I wanted to die. I didn’t understand what I did wrong for him not to
be attracted to me. It wasn’t like I was a fat ugly kid. I have chocolate
colored hair, with black coffee colored eyes. Sure I was ‘full figured’, but he
told me once that looks didn’t matter. I guess that was easy for him to say. He
grew up to be the best looking guy in our class. He has shimmery chestnut hair,
blue eyes that sparkle; he is tall and muscular. He rides horses; he is smart,
funny, interesting….the list is endless.
I
almost fell off my branch dreaming about him. I still get chills thinking about
his looks and his character. Sorry, back to my story. If I didn’t have such a
crazy train of thoughts, I would be able to look back more often without it
taking so long.
Half way through eighth grade,
which was a lot like sixth and seventh, I found out that Anthony was going to
be leaving the country for the rest of the school year and the entire summer. Somewhere
in Greece his grandma took a terrible fall and his dad was her only son. She
wanted him to come take care of her. I guess it was too hard for her to get in
a car and come here. It took a lot of grieving to get over the fact that
Anthony was gone. I got hit on by all the boys that were his friend. It was
strange to me as if they only held back because of Anthony. He didn’t even like
me, so I thought.
During the summer, I spent most of
my days watching Abby. She liked to grab and pull stuff. Mom wouldn’t let me
take her out of my sight. The whole summer I wanted Anthony to come back. I
just longed to talk to someone who was actually intelligent. Abby still spoke
strange English.
Ninth grade came and still no
Anthony. It was a rough year. The school was small so everyone from second
grade was there in ninth. Mel and her click still hated me and the guys I
thought were just my friend all had crazy hormones. All of them had girlfriends
and a lot of them asked me out. I refused. I only had eyes for one guy and he
was in Greece somewhere. My heart raced thinking what if he lives there, what
if he meets a really cute girl there and his hormones were raging. I turned myself
into an outcast. I would sit alone at lunch and talk to myself as if I was
talking to someone else.
“Look I got another peanut butter
and jelly sandwich. I was supposed to get turkey, but Abby always get’s what
she wants! Who wants a turkey sandwich in first grade?!” Jr. guys would look at
me like I was crazy, sophomore girls would make fun of me, and the Sr. kids
were just too consumed in themselves to care. My first high school experience
was a fail, but it wasn’t like I had much of an option. There was no one to
hang out with. Besides, I had a lot of fun by myself. Once Anthony returned,
I’ll turn my reputation status around. The worse thought occurred, IF he returns.
My summer before tenth grade I
spent doing summer school to get ahead in classes. I had lots of work to do and
Abby could finally entertain herself. She wasn’t half bad when I didn’t have to
watch her like a hawk.
I
have to take a break from memory lane to check the time. I still have plenty of
time before it grows dark. I glance at the scenery around me. I soak it all in.
I am a part of God’s marvelous creation. The Creator of the Universe made this
spot almost like it was just for me. I stretch my arms. I stare into the water
like it is showing me what I am thinking about.
Finally, tenth grade came and
Anthony was home. I applauded out loud when I saw his parent’s car pull into
the driveway. I have a perfect view of his house from my window and that wasn’t
on purpose. I do enjoy it, though. When he stepped out of the car, he was no
longer the little boy I remembered him to be; he was a man. His chestnut hair
was longer, he grew taller, and his strength increased. I couldn’t wait to talk
to him and hear how low his voice had become. I watched him walk not towards
his house, but the stream. Without thinking, I sprinted down the stairs and out
the door to our favorite branch. There he was, sitting on our branch.
“Anthony!” I spoke his name smiled
then bit my bottom lip to hide how excited I was.
“Daniela!” Anthony’s face lit up
more than I have ever seen it shine. Hearing his glamorous and forceful deep
voice say my name for the first time in a long time could have made my knees
give out then and there. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
“I’ve missed you.” I didn’t have
control over my words. My thoughts spun in a million different directions and
my mouth just went with whatever came out first. “You look so different from
the last time I saw you.” He moved across the branch to ‘my side of the
stream’.
“Do you like what you see?” He put
his arms out and spun around. I laughed out loud. He has a great sense of humor.
“I most certainly do.” I couldn’t
stop smiling; my mouth was beginning to hurt.
“Get into these arms, I’ve missed
you so much.” Anthony wrapped his strong arms around me. The luscious smell of
his cologne filled my lungs. I didn’t want him to let me go, but he did. “Come
sit, talk, we have to catch up.” He gestured his hand to our branch.
I followed the hand and jumped on
it. “How was Greece, how is your grandma?”
Anthony smiled and made a quick
laugh. “Whoa, I said talk not ask questions.”
“Part of talking is asking
questions. I’m curious.” I turned my head to look at him and gave him a ‘you
know I’m right’ look.
“Greece was interesting. My grandma
is well enough to take care of herself now. How was school for you? What are
you having for dinner? I’m starving, but want to be with you.” I punched his
shoulder. He pretended like he got hurt and moaned a little.
“School was boring without you and
dinner won’t be ready for awhile. I’ll ask my mom if you can come, though.” He
laughed.
“Daniela, I was only joking. I
wouldn’t want to invite myself over for dinner.” He took in a deep breath.
There was a long period of silence between us. I had so much I wanted to ask
him, but I liked just being with him.
“Anthony?” I finally broke the
silence with words. No, we weren’t sitting there in dead silence. There were
the birds singing, the stream flowing, the wind blowing, and an occasional sigh
between us both.
“Daniela?” He looked at me and
smiled. I felt like a little girl again who just wanted to cross my legs and
sway.
“Why do you call me Daniela?
Everyone else calls me Danni.” That wasn’t really the first question I wanted
to ask, but it came out first.
His one eyebrow raised above his
left eye as he looked at me. “You don’t look like a Danni to me.”
“Danni is a perfect name for me. It
is short, ugly, and boyish just like me.” I couldn’t believe what I had just
said, but I stuck with it.
“Exactly why it doesn’t fit you. See
Daniela is a delicate beautiful name. I am also the only person who calls you
that making me better than everyone else.” He laughed and so did I. His voice
became serious. “Don’t talk about my friend like that. Daniela, you’re
beautiful because you shine from the inside out. I’ve met a lot of girls in
Greece, but the only one on my mind was you. My parents thought about living
there, but I wouldn’t agree to that. I can’t live without you. You’re a
beautiful, delicate woman who brings more joy to me by sitting next to me than
anyone else I’ve ever met.” He reached for my hand and held it. The warmth of
his strong hands made me feel safe, but I was also trembling. I didn’t know he
felt this way about me.
“You just answered two of my
questions in one answer.” My lower lipped trembled. How far was he going to
take this? With his left hand intertwined with mine, he used his right hand to
touch my face.
“What was your second question that
I answered?” He wasn’t asking the question for an answer, he was asking it to
get closer to my face. The mood was slow, but romantic between us. I couldn’t
hear any other sound, but my heart racing and his soft, but strong voice in my
ear. “I’ve missed you, Daniela. My beautiful Daniela, the friend I met first
who I thought was amazing the first day I met you and saved you.” I turned my
face so our noses touched.
Ahh-chooo!
Ugh! Sneeze! I’m getting to the good part of my memory. Where was I? Oh yes,
the moment right before Anthony gave me my first kiss.
The feel of his wet, smooth, strong
lips on mine hypnotized me. We both were just enjoying the feeling of being
close. I forgot completely where I was. In a moment, we were falling. SPLASH!
While we were kissing we forgot to balance on the branch. We both looked at
each other and laughed. He got out of the water first and helped me out like he
had done before. My clothes were clinging to me. We didn’t say anything for a while
just laughed.
When our laughing was done, Anthony
broke the ice. “Daniela, do you want to go out with me?”
I looked at him. I felt my cheeks
grow hot. “I would like nothing else.” His eyes danced with excitement. I just
smiled.
“I’ve got to split and help unpack
stuff, but I’ll see you around.” He winked at me and ran off. I forgot all
about my wet clothes and walked inside.
“What’s wrong with you?” Abby
greeted me at the door. Her head was sideways, examining my soaked
clothes.
“Just the best thing in the world.”
I walked, took my shoes off, and threw them on the porch to dry.
“You went swimming in the stream?”
Abby thought she could guess, but she knew nothing of love or how precious that
stream is to me.
So
now it is present time. I’m a junior and before my senior year starts, we’re
moving back to the city. Anthony is still my best friend and my boy friend. I’m
not sure what I’m going to do a year without him.
I’m
swinging my feet back and forth. I hear a car beep. I know it didn’t come from
my house because my parents are packing inside. I think it is a good idea to be
quiet and listen. Familiar voices are talking. I close my eyes to imagine whose
they are.
“Danni!”
My image is popped by my mom’s voice.
“Mom?”
I shout back.
“Packing!
Now!” she doesn’t say very much to get me to move.
“Coming!”
I take a deep breath and start sliding off the branch.
“Daniela?!”
I turn and see Anthony’s shimmering blue eyes looking into mine. I smile.
“I
have to pack. Come with?” Like a monkey swinging from a tree, he swings across
the stream and is standing next to me. He kisses me gently, grabs my hand, and
pulls me inside.
All
I do is stand in the door way and the wonderful words of “we’re staying” rings
in my ear.
“Danni,
don’t worry. I heard you don’t like the city and I don’t want to pull you a part
from Anthony because I really like him for you. We’re staying. Mom said it was
okay.” Abby hugs my waist. I squeeze her to return the sweet act.
“I
love you, Abby.” I kiss her forehead.
“I
love you, Danni. Go have fun with Anthony. It is a good thing you didn’t pack
because now I’ve got to unpack.” Abby starts to walk away.
“Abby,
what made you change your mind?” She turns and I look straight into my perfect
little sister’s face.
“I
read your prayer journal and I wanted it to be me that delivered God’s answer
to you.” My eyes water and jaw drops. My sister really is an angel. She is a
messenger from God. She came close to me and put her hand up. “Besides, we both
know Mom and Dad will take me to the city on vacation in a heart beat.”
I
laugh and Anthony joins with me. I kiss her cheek and she kisses my cheek.
Anthony hugs her. She giggles. She likes him too, but too bad, he is all mine.
“Hey
God, I know You hear my thoughts so thanks for listening and thanks for
answering my prayer to stay. Sincerely, Daniela.”
