Living without walls

For a long time, I felt the need to put up walls. I was trying to protect myself from letting people hurt me. I was trying to make myself seem stronger than how I was truly feeling. I pretended I had a fortress around my heart. It was easy for me to push people away in times when I needed people the most. With my walls, I was isolated. I was keeping myself prisoner because I was afraid to fail. I was afraid to be wrong. I was afraid to make a mess and be rejected for it. I was afraid to live. 

One night as I was lying in my bed I realized: there aren't really any walls, they are just a metaphor. 

As I step out of my metaphorical fortress, I am learning how to be vulnerable. I am learning how to be wrong and be ok with it. I'm learning how to not be such a perfectionist. I'm also learning how to let people in without expecting them to stay, but still giving them a full tour of my heart. I love living this way.

Emotions are a part of living. I am accepting that. I'm letting my emotions come more freely. I still struggle a little because it's easier for me to pretend that I don't feel anything. Somehow I use to believe the less feelings you have the more powerful you are. But I've learned from the past week of living vulnerably that I have more power when I choose to accept that I am only human.  

Every emotion we feel is precious even the ones we think to be negative. If we didn't have negative feelings, how would we know when we were experiencing positive ones? 

I use to believe that I was the only human in the world that was a contradiction. The truth is we all are, and I'm just super aware of how much I am. We all have different desires and wants based on different moods that change when our moods change but is completely opposite of the way we were thinking and feeling before. If that sentence was confusing for you, no worries. Sometimes I don't understand my thoughts either. I just role with it. 

Being outside my metaphorical walls has shown me that I didn't just keep people out, but I kept myself from being the best version of myself that I could be. So this post is for all those people who put up walls and think they are safe. I know it's scary at first, but you need to realize that the walls aren't really there. Then you need to love who you are even if you're not who you want to be. After that, be vulnerable. Let yourself be wrong. Celebrate your failures as successes. I know it's cliché, but you really do only live once. Why spend your life behind pretend walls?

Learn to Listen and Know When to Talk

A lesson on taking turns…

            It is amazing when you leave a person thinking to yourself, “Wow, we really had a good conversation.” That thought didn’t happen because you did all the talking or they did all the talking. That thought occurred because you both knew when it was your turn to listen and your turn to talk. The understanding was mutual. You cared what they had to say and they cared what you had to say. You leave them feeling important because they wanted to listen to you, but you don’t feel stupid because you took up the whole time talking. Both of you leave each other’s company at peace knowing you said what you had to say and they said what they had to say. Everyone wins.

            Unfortunately in the world we live in, people don’t know how to do that. There are very few people that know when to listen and when to talk. A lot of people just like to cut you off mid sentence or idea or thought because what they have to say is more important than whatever you were about to say. Some people don’t even realize they did it and continue talking as if you had nothing to say at all. Reading this you’re probably thinking, “That’s rude. Why would someone do that?” You could even be thinking, “Yep, I’ve had someone do that to me and it feels awful.” Personally when someone does it to me, I just stop talking. I realize that in this situation or relationship the person doesn’t really care what I have to say, so why bother. Maybe they’re doing it unintentionally, but it still hurts. I don’t usually keep people who do that to me around for too long. Sometimes it isn’t worth confronting them about it either. I do not let it bother me too much either. I just keep a mental note to not say much around them.

            For people to have happy, healthy, and good relationships, we need to start being intentional about listening to each other. Some people have a lot of cool stuff to say. I’ve learned to enjoy talking a lot more than I use to. I use to always be the listener. But when I find someone who will listen to me, it makes me feel really good. That’s why I enjoy listening. I like making other people feel good. You’ll still have a quarter whether it’s heads up or down. Heads is talking. Tails is listening. You need both sides to make sense [cents]. (Little pun joke) You need to talk and listen to have a relationship. The street has to go two ways. 

There are so many distractions now a days with technology, the art of listening and slowing down to actually interact with one another face to face is almost becoming extinct. It’s frustrating to some of us old fashion folk, like myself. I don’t like texting nearly as much as I love face-to-face interaction. I cannot figure out your emotions through words alone. Body language, voice inflections, and the eyes tell stories too when you’re listening. Even when you’re talking to see people’s reactions mean something.

The next time you’re having a conversation with someone be conscious of whether you’re listening or not. Be intentional about making sure it is a two-way conversation. Not a lot of people want to be talked at and not a lot of people want to just listen all day. Take turns talking and listening. Learn something new about someone. Be interested in what someone else has to say. Trust me, you’ll feel much better after you leave the conversation if you just take turns. I know I always do.