Let’s Have a Discussion

I am going to bring a controversial topic to the table. The conversation might be uncomfortable. You might have really strong feelings about it. You might have already done your research and you know all of the facts about it. Or maybe you have no idea about this topic at all. You may have no opinions about it. You might not even care to hear about it. Or maybe you have feelings about this topic based on what someone has told you. You might have feelings about this topic because you have experienced it yourself and behind all your feelings is evidence to prove it. Either way, let’s talk about it.

So for all of you ready to argue with me about the mystery topic above, hold your horses. I do not really have a controversial topic in mind. The topic I really want to talk about is having controversial discussions.

It has come to my attention that too many people are afraid of having discussions on topics they may disagree with, have strong feelings about, or are uncomfortable about. We often label these kinds of discussions as arguments. People often end up upset, yelling, and there is a lot of disagreement. It just gets really ugly.

People like to approach contradicting discussions closed-mindedly. I’m sure you have met those kinds of people. No matter what you say, you are never heard because they are so stuck on their own opinion. Your words are useless to penetrate their barricade. Their mind is made up and there is nothing you can do to change it.

Maybe you are that person who never listens to the other person’s side of the discussion. If that is the case, I really hope you take this blog post to heart. No one likes to talk to you when you do that. You will lose a lot of friends and you will not be invited to parties. If you don’t care about popularity, then you do you. I am not going to scold you on how you decide to live your life. I’m just letting you know it is unpleasant to other people who have to share this planet with you.

Anyway, I feel like there are a lot of missed opportunities to learn because people are too afraid to have discussions. Just because someone brings up a controversial topic to you does not mean you have to change your mind about that topic. You can have your strong feelings about a topic and still approach a conversation open-mindedly. You might not see eye to eye with someone, but that does not mean you have to disassociate with them. There is always room for discussion and compromise.

Even yes or no questions can have compromising answers. I feel like people forget that yes or no questions can be answered either way. Humans often get so stuck that the way they think the question should be answered is the right way. When I ask yes or no questions, I give people permission to say no because I know some people feel weird about giving me an answer I don’t want to hear. The truth is, I asked the question not sure what that answer would be. I had no expectations. I would not have asked the question if I did not want your actual response.

In my life, I look for people that will challenge me. I want people in my life who compliment or heighten my strengths and alleviate my weaknesses. I cannot get that by spending time with people just like me. I put a lot of effort into improving myself. I never want to act like the smartest person in the room. There will always be people who are smarter than me. There will always be people who are not as smart as me, but that does not mean I cannot learn from them. Everyone has something to offer. I can learn from every experience. I can learn from all kinds of interactions. I am constantly updating my information system in my mind.

So please! The next time someone approaches you with an uncomfortable, controversial, or even strange topic, listen a little. See what you can learn from it. Take the time to hear the person out and see if they are interested in hearing your opinions or ideas on the topic. You might just have a really interesting discussion.