Recently, someone said something to me that upset me enough to inspire a blog post. I know I haven’t written in a while but being a full-time employee and masters student takes up a lot of my time. (So does watching The Office)
The comment made was, “You are more attractive than your friend.” Maybe there is someone out there that would take this as a complement, but obviously, I do not. I felt so strongly about it that I educated the person who said it.
Background of comment: The person who made this comment annoys me. He says a lot of shallow things. The comments that bother me the most are the ones he makes about body shape and appearances. Both in my opinion are superficial things and sensitive topics. I have struggled with positive body image. Most females do because we are told by stupid idiots, like the guy who made the comment, that we are supposed to be shaped and look a certain way. My body is healthy, and it looks the way it looks. Don’t like it? Someone else will. I live with my body every day and it does the jobs it needs to do. End of story. Now to digest the comment.
First off: Comparisons are not complements. The only time a comparison is a complement is when stated “I love you more than chocolate cake.” “You are smarter than a fish.” The minute you turn it into a comparison to another person, the complement is lost in the noise of your insult. People are all different. Comparing them does not make sense when trying to say something nice about them. There are appropriate uses for comparison. Businesses can compare candidates for a job position. Stuff like that, but not for complements. It takes away from the sweetness of the complement. It takes away the focus of the complement. If you are complementing me, do not add someone else to the mix.
Second off: Attractiveness is an opinion of an individual. No one can be the overall judge of who is attractive or not. If you are attracted to me, that’s great. Just say, “I find you attractive.” It is rude to compare my attractiveness to someone else. The worst part about his comment was that it was about my friend. My friend is a curvy woman. She is gorgeous. I felt like he made that comment because she is not a twig. If we had the same body shape and he made that comment about my friend, I feel like it could have been a way of saying “you’re more my type than she is.” It would have been less rude and obnoxious. All things considered; it would still be an unnecessary thing to say.
Third off: Why would you insult my friend? If the comment was made about some random girl on the street, it could have been less offensive. I’m glad you are not attracted to my friend but wording it like that makes it sound like she is ugly, and she is not. So, guys or girls, do not insult a person’s friends that you are flirting with. Do they have an insecurity problem? Do they need to be reminded that you are more attracted to them than their friends? If that is the case, you should try complementing them with specific complements tailored towards them and leave their friends out of your conversations. If they are still suspicious about your interactions with their friends, find someone else because this person needs to have some confidence before they settle for just anyone. Or maybe you are more interested in the friend. You should be honest with yourself and the person and leave them alone.
Fourth and final off: Do not just say words to people. If you are attracted to someone, hang out with them in person and don’t just text them all the time and call them. I do not care how many women you think I am more attractive than. If you do not back up your words with actions, your words are just words. They are stupid pointless comments.
I do not want to go into more detail about the last send off. The takeaway is, love yourself. No one should out love you. You cannot have true value if you do not deem yourself worthy of it. There is not a significant person out there that can give you all the love that you need. Eventually, you will have to take ownership of the kind of love you deserve. Maybe that’s a blog for another day. So, stay true to yourself. #livelikeyou
