There’s more to learn?

Turns out, there is more to life than being anxious, depressed, angry, and passive aggressive. Yep, I’ve been learning a lot. Recently, I’ve been learning about anger and how to be assertive.

You may not know this about me, but I can be a very angry person. Another thing I am is a rug because I let people walk all over me.

Well how am I learning to deal with all of that?

Good question. Allow to me to shed some light on the subject.

The Bible talks a lot about anger. There are two verses that come to mind when I think about anger, the first is this: Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” So what do you do when you’re angry? You may hurt people physically, verbally, and emotionally. I know I am capable of physically hurting myself and verbally hurting the person I am angry with. A new way to deal with my anger has to do with the second verse. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Next time you’re angry take that 10-minute or 24 hour break from the person you’re angry with or any people for that matter. Evaluate the situation. What do you want to accomplish by being angry? Do you want to get the person mad or do you want them to understand what you are saying? Why are you angry to begin with? Are you really angry with that person or is it something you’re dealing with and they just happen to be an easy target?

It isn’t always easy, but try to remain calm. Blowing up solves nothing. Something I learned and still remember from 4^th grade is that “It is better to cry than be angry.” Sometimes, that’s all anger is. You’re actually hurting and the strongest way to deal with it is to be angry. I always liked being angry over being sad because than I felt stronger. Who needs to be strong when I could just resolve the problem and move on? I have the right to cry.

Crazy thought, right?

 It get’s crazier.

For me, I hate letting people down; I hate saying no; and I hate speaking up for myself and asking for things. That’s what makes me a rug. I’m learning though that I have the same right to live life to the fullest as the next guy. If I am having a problem, I have the right to reach out for help. If someone is bothering me, I have the right to speak up. Now it is never okay to just tell someone “You’re annoying and stupid and I don’t like you.” That solves nothing and it isn’t really necessarily true. That person may be annoying you, but that doesn’t make them annoying. When you address people you’re having problems with always use “I” statements. Example: “I apologize, but I am feeling annoyed with you please excuse me I cannot talk to you anymore.” The truth is no one can make you feel a certain way. You choose how to react to people and to situations. So don’t blame people for your action choices. Take responsibility. Automatically, the person is going to go into defense mode if you insult them. That won’t help you get your point across. Try something new next time you feel angry. Step back and evaluate. What are you trying to accomplish? You can do it! Our brains are powerful things that need to be stretched and taught.

I hope this all makes sense. I’m still learning it myself and I’m hoping this school year I can put it into practice. Don’t be afraid to live life because you’re letting people walk all over you and don’t live your life angry just because it’s the easiest way for you to react. Skills to live life are actually really helpful (who knew). With God’s help I want to be more loving and less angry; I want to be more assertive.