Dealing with People 101

            My English teacher pointed out to my class at the beginning of the year that people have the tendency to put up defenses and not trust people right away without giving people a chance. We don’t like getting hurt so we automatically go into safety mode. Meeting new people, making new friends, accepting others is difficult because we are too afraid to be hurt. We think since this person hurt us in the past of course this new person is going to hurt us again and the cycle will continue.

           

I’ve learned this way of thinking is called “Black & White thinking”. This is when there is clearly no other solution to a problem other than blank or blank. That person is either this way or that way. It’s actually a pretty negative way of thinking; not to mention, it isn’t very colorful.

           

My English teacher continued to talk about the behavior of people and how untrusting we’ve become, but then he said something very profound that stuck out to me. “We should trust people first and tell them to prove you wrong for trusting them. If or when they do, put your defenses up.”

It isn’t a “pour your heart out to a person and give them your social security number when you first meet them” kind of trust, but more of an “I think you’re worth getting to know and I’m gonna let you know me” trust. If they prove you wrong for trusting them, then there is a reason to be untrusting. If a person has never done anything bad to you because they don’t know you, yet you refuse to let them in, how will you know that they won’t continue to do nothing bad to you? Do you know what I am saying?

People can be horrible creatures. I know because I am one, but some people do the best they can at being kind and loving and considerate of others. If we instinctively believe everyone is out to get us and evil, we’ll miss out on all the people who want to love us and want to see us thrive in life. Yes, getting hurt by other people is an inevitable part of life. It really shouldn’t come as much of a shock anymore. People mess up and fail, but it’s those moments when we pick ourselves up, brush off the dust, and keep moving that make life beautiful.

Real life is a risk. If we don’t take risks, life will pass us by. My band teacher today actually read a story about a guy who accepted failure. He “knew” he was gonna fail at something so he wouldn’t even try to succeed. He had a crush on this girl that people told him was out of his league so he never asked her out. At their ten-year high school reunion, the girl admitted she had a crush on him and was upset he never asked her out. His dream was waiting to happen, but he didn’t have the courage to take a risk. He learned, it is better to fail with a bang then accept failure.  

Life is all about failing and learning. If we never failed, we’d never learn. An awesome part about life though is, we don’t always fail. We succeed sometimes too when we are willing to take risks. Outweigh the failure with the success. Sometimes putting life into perspective really helps with risk taking. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen and what is the best thing that could actually happen? Ask those kinds of questions when faced with a challenge.

I’m writing this because I’ve been taking a risk. I’ve chosen the “Prove me wrong for trusting you” stand point instead of the “You are automatically untrustworthy” one. So far things have been going great. I have a new friend and I love the company.

God did not make us to live in fear, and He didn’t make us to go life alone. Although He is the best and ultimate friend to have, sometimes He shows His love through other people whether they know it or not. So don’t be afraid to let people in. The best friendships come unexpectedly whether they are short lived or long lived. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of love and happiness because of fear of getting hurt. Princess Diaries taught me, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the realization that there is something more important than fear.” So Listen, Laugh, Learn, Love and Live, the world can be a beautiful place.

I’m gonna end this with a verse from my favorite psalmist King David:

Psalm 56:3-4 “When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”