Vulnerability in my Values

Growing up, I was told that I was a leader. I was headstrong and loved taking charge. In grade school, I was able to get some of the girls in my class to use recess as a time to make up dances. I enjoyed leading worship in middle school and teaching chapel. People tended to gravitate towards me to give them advice or be there for them during difficult times.

I love being there for people. I like guiding them through challenges. I like supporting them on decisions they make when I feel it benefits them. Leadership to me was a background job. I was a self-proclaimed leader. No one would aimlessly follow me, but they knew they could count on me when it matters the most. I never want people to feel forced or manipulated into taking my advice or following my lead. I just want to be helpful and that is what leadership is to me. It is a way of helping people. The reason I choose to think of leadership the way I do is because of my values. I have a few life driving values. They are trust, loyalty, creativity, and connection.

I have a hard time trusting people, but I have a strong desire to be trustworthy. If I cannot be trusted, then I have no business leading. I want someone to know without a doubt that the advice I give or the actions I take are to their best interest. When I fail to do so because I am thinking selfishly, I know I am hurting people’s ability to trust me. I have been hurt in the past because my trust in someone was broken. It is very difficult to mend broken trust. That is why I value trust so highly. When I trust someone, I give them full access to my heart. It is the most vulnerable I can be.

Trust is followed by loyalty. Being loyal to someone is not pledging an oath. Loyalty is never giving up on someone through good times and bad times. I will never turn my back on someone that I love even when they are being hard to love. I will forgive endlessly when I choose to be loyal to someone because I know that we all make mistakes. Unfortunately, when I am loyal to someone who only wishes to cause me harm, I will fall into the trap of letting them abuse me. I must choose who I am loyal to carefully because of this. Loyalty is a value because I am vulnerable when I am loyal. If someone is loyal to me, I do not take that lightly.  

Creativity is one of my values because when I am being creative, I feel like my best self. My creativity comes in many forms. I like to write songs, write blogs, color, or draw. I like to have deep, thought-provoking conversations with people. I spent some time in a mental health program and learned coping skills for my deep emotions. Creativity has been a way for me to express myself and be vulnerable. Creativity has kept me sane when it has felt like my darkness would overtake me. Creativity has helped me to find solutions to problems that I have faced. I love the quote from George Bernard Shaw that says “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” I love this because it gives me the choice to decide who I want to be creatively. I can be creative about who I am and how I see the world. Creativity shapes me and is a core part of me.

Lastly, I value connection. From reading Brené Brown’s book, I learned that moments of joy are times of high vulnerability. When I make even the smallest connection with someone, it brings me joy. The range of connections can be from making a stranger laugh because they caught me dancing in my car at a red light to meeting someone that has similar experiences as me and we become lifelong friends. These are true examples that have happened. I like to notice the unnoticeable. I like connecting with someone by making them feel included. I allow myself to be seen when I make connections. I visually see connections as a little spark of light that is exchanged between me and the person I am connecting with. I value those moments and look forward to them because they normally catch me off guard.

All my values have something in common. All my values make me vulnerable. Vulnerability  allows us to be seen. It gives other people the courage to be seen.

I wrote this for my Leadership class I am taking. Hence the mention of leadership. I thought it was really cool having to rethink my values and noticing how they make me vulnerable. I did not see that connection until I wrote them down. I hope this blog posts challenges you to think about your own values. Figure out how they make you, you. My new slogan is “Live like You.” Be true to yourself and the values you hold.