The Mind of a Child

These have been some difficult times, so I feel this post is fitting now.

I love children. For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a mom. I thought being a mom was the coolest thing in the world to be. I just feel like raising a human is an incredible life-changing experience.

I have three little ones in my life that I always call mine when I talk about them. They’re my cousin’s kids, but I came to the hospital the day each of them was born. Something about my connection with them from the beginning made them mine. They were mine to love and cherish without any reason. As my cousin had each kid, my heart got fuller and fuller. I enjoy getting to know them as they grow and learn.  

(Philosophical thoughts)

There is something so incredible about the mind of a child. John Locke believed that humans come into this world as a “clean slate.” Eventually, you will gain knowledge based on experiences. Another philosophy about humans is innatism and the notion that the mind is already born with ideas, knowledge, and beliefs. Plato and Descartes both emphasized that experiences were the key to unlocking the knowledge within us, but not the source.

I have inwardly battled between those two theories:

On one hand, I believe that experiences make us who we are. Circumstances make us who we are. What has happened to me is the reason I act and behave the way I do. My traits are learned. The world around me creates the person I am.

On the other hand, I experience life internally. Somehow between the tragic events of my life, I was figuring out how to do things. My life was made up of small basic things that I never talked to anyone about. There are experiences that come solely from me.

It’s easy to blame external forces for my actions, but Descartes and Plato’s theory makes me think harder. What if the answers are already inside of me? What if experiences are learning opportunities?

(Back to kids)

I figured out why I love children. I figured out why it brings me so much happiness when a child likes me. Children teach me. They helped me answer my above philosophical dilemma.

Children live in the moment. They don’t dwell in the past, but also not living for the future. They want what they want now and feel what they feel when they feel it. Children are brilliant. They ask questions. They learn new things. They get so excited. They feel pain by screaming and crying, but kisses make booboos better. Children only want to be loved and cared for. They try to be independent and stand on their own two feet. They’re happy when they walk, cry when they fall, but never give up trying. 

Frozen II feels super real to me right now. I know it’s a kid’s movie. Bear with me if you’ve never seen it. The second song in the movie “Some Things Never Change” has a lot of lessons. The song seems like a contradiction to the entire plot of the movie. Life is constantly changing. I thought I was in a good place on the road to self-discovery/self-love… Then this virus turns the world upside. I didn’t expect that change. I know the virus and my life are not correlated. It’s not like the universe checked in with me to see if this was a good time to have a virus apocalypse. That’s just life though. Life changes in the blink of an eye. It can be overwhelming.     

The fourth song in the movie is “When I Am Older.” The writer of this song is brilliant. When I was a kid, I thought getting older meant I could do anything and everything. As an adult, I would have all the knowledge and power in the world. The older I got the more I thought things would make sense, but in actuality, there is just more information that I don’t understand. I can’t do everything.   

I’m trying to channel my inner child. I’m trying to stop myself from thinking too far into the future, and I’m not worrying about what happened yesterday. I’m taking each day as it comes. I’ve cried when I’ve felt overwhelmed. I’ve taken walks when I get antsy. I’m trying to make lists to give myself some structure for the day. I’m giving myself all the credit for taking care of myself. My journey of self-discovery/self-love hasn’t stopped because of this virus. I control this moment. 

During this time of social distancing and chaos, I encourage you to be like a child. Do what Olaf said and, “make the best out of what you can control.”

I’m a giver so please reach out if you are needing love and encouragement. We should stay physically distant, but you don’t have to do this alone. Please reach out!  

Connection

I’ve been trying to have meaningful connections with people. Often, I overthink interactions. I say I have social anxiety, but I’m starting to realize more and more why. 

There are huge unknown factors when interacting with people. I don’t know what they’re thinking. I don’t know what their history is. I don’t know how they interpret the world and the meaning of life. I don’t know if they have any spiritual or religious beliefs. I don’t know if they’re going to like me. I don’t know what kind of mood they’re in. I certainly don’t know how they’ll react to me. 

I try to choose my interactions with people carefully. I often don’t want to disturb the existence of others with my own. I try not to think of myself as too important that people should be forced to connect with me. There is a bit of a fear factor that I’m not interesting, smart, or deserving of connection, but sometimes I just don’t understand the rules of interacting with people. It stresses me out, and I crave isolation.

I used to think if I had a lot of people in my life, they would just want something from me. They’d take and take and take until there was nothing left of me. I always felt like the person who had to reach out cause if I didn’t, no one reached out to me. Yet, I still wanted connection. I still reached out. I’d still make plans with people. It wasn’t always easy, and plans would get canceled, but I did my best to be social even if it was painful. Luckily, I am learning about emotional boundaries and a new way of looking at connection.

Human life is fascinating to me. I truly wish I could study human behavior and be an expert on all things human. Unfortunately, the manual for human interaction doesn’t truly exist because we are all so different. Nothing human-related is this or that. 
So why do we do it? Why do we interact with each other? Why do we connect? What are our intentions when we see our friends or see our family? Or meet strangers?

I feel like the answers to those questions will be different for every person who reads this, but this is my thought:

The people I choose to be a part of my life is important to my growth. I am not all-knowing so having people in my life gives me access to knowledge.
I connect with people because I think humans are intriguing. I want to love and learn more about them. What it means to be human looks different on everyone. Finding the similarities and the difference is so cool. I love the uniqueness of how we all think or don’t. Cliché, connection gives me a warm fuzzy feeling inside. I guess a sense of belonging.

Everyone is not going to want me around and that is 100% okay. Instead of trying to force myself into people’s lives, I will make my attempts to connect and if it’s not meant to be, I’ll move on. I also get to decide if the connection is worth holding on to. I have accepted the downfalls of trying to connect. I choose not to let fear be the reason I stop getting my warm fuzzy feeling.   

It is a superpower to connect with people. People who do it naturally are gifted. I commend them. If you are anything like me though, interacting with people may cause some anxiety.  

I’m going to tell you a secret… lean in… Interaction with people is scary. People are unpredictable. Don’t be so hard on yourself if interactions don’t come easy. They don’t need to be. Just be yourself. Everyone else is dealing with stuff too. Make yourself known, speak up, and be heard if you want to. Nothing says you have to engage. You are just as unpredictable as the person you might end up connecting with. You got this!