Remember the Progress

I have a lot of journals. I started journaling in 2007. I can’t tell you who inspired me to start journaling or why it became such a staple in my existence, but my first journal was given to me as a Christmas present by my Aunt Gina. Inside are entries from 5^th grade me. Words are spelled incorrectly and stories I have forgotten are stored. My journals are time capsules.

I have a total of five full journals--working on my 6th. I do not write every day, but I always date my journal entries. For the most part, I would be super embarrassed if someone read my journals. Things I was worried about, cried over or obsessed over back then seem so silly now. Though some of my journal entries are so heartbreaking that I cry reading them present day. If an outsider (anyone that isn’t me) read my journals, I think they’d be really confused and/or worried depending on which journal they read.

I have used my journals for many purposes. Sometimes just to vent, other times to remember. Sometimes I’ve used it just to help settle my restless mind. I mostly journal before bed. Through the years, my voice changes. My writing voice, that is. I have documentation of my psychological development. My hero’s journey per se. My current journal is so different than my old ones because no matter how sad the entry is, I always end it with affirmations. My way of reminding myself that no matter how glum things feel, there is always good. (Which is a major development for me!)    

I don’t believe my past should dictate my future but looking back helps me remember how far I’ve come. I have survived many obstacles life has placed before me. I have overcome different hardships that I thought I’d never get over. Time has given me the ability to be above it all. I have written my cares, fears, and worries in a book that reminds me of the progress I’ve made to be no longer impacted by them.

Journaling is not everyone’s cup of tea. I obviously have found it beneficial to my life. It is a small part of my legacy. Maybe someday my kids will read them. Maybe someday I’ll find entries I want to share with my future spouse. The possibilities for my journals are endless. For now, they are my way of remembering my progress.

I encourage anyone who journals, to pull out some of your old journals and reflect on how far you’ve come.

The Power of Perspective

If this year has taught me anything, it is the power of perspective. I thought 2020 was going to be my year. Everyone made the joke “20 / 20 vision.” It was really overdone.

Then something happened. There was a shift in the way we are used to living. A brand-new way to experience this world. An eye-opening, global crossing pandemic.

Some had high hopes this would be over by summer. Some people still don’t think it is real. Some people are tragically impacted by it. Some people are only annoyed by the inconvenience of wearing a mask. Either way, everyone is looking at this pandemic from a different perspective.

Whether a perspective is right or wrong is up to the individual. They can have outside sources to come to their decision or they can internally believe in a decision. Either way, a choice is made and we label a perspective 

This year started out feeling like the worst possible year. After time, I’ve realized how ridiculous it is to label an entire year as one thing. I have no control over what happens tomorrow. Despite making plans, things can change in an instance. It can become overwhelming or it can just be what life is.   

I can focus all my energy on everything I think is going bad right now or I can acknowledge that in order for something to be bad, something has to be good. When we focus on the chaos, chaos is all you see. If you focus on the solutions, you might not solve the problem. But if you acknowledge the problems and then take steps to improve it, things can change.

I’ve been working on fixing my perspective. Every day brings an unexpected blessing. Before bed or even during the day, I just start thinking about all the things I am grateful for. My perspective is through a lens of gratitude. Since I am focused on the unexpected blessings, unexpected blessings appear. For example, I saw a shooting star driving home from Brockport. It was amazing.

I still experience some anxiety and fear of the unknown, but I am grateful for those emotions because they make me human. I am continuously working on self-love. I am trying not to get too weighed down or overwhelmed by what the future holds. I still don’t feel at my full potential, but I am grateful that I am enough even if I don’t feel it yet.   

Take some time out of the day to figure what your perspective on life is. You might realize that your views are mostly negative or mostly positive. Either way, figuring out your perspective helps make the groundwork for how you want your life to be. The small things matter.