Are you in an abusive relationship?

A few ways to know you are in an abusive relationship: 

·       You feel hesitant or worried about sharing anything with them. This includes feelings, passions, victories, hardships, asking for what you want or need.

·       You are often making excuses for them saying things like “well they only treat me that way when they’re ____.” “They only got upset because I got upset.” “The good outweighs the bad.” “They have never physically hurt me.”

·       You only tell your friends negative things about them. This includes complaining about all the behaviors you dislike about them. It also includes telling your friends about all the nice things you do for them and feeling like they don’t return that.

·       You allow negative behavior because you have given them a list of things to do if they upset you to make up for it. If they accomplish a simple task on the list, they still deserve your loyalty even though there is no change of behavior.

·       You wish you had more physical connection but feel like you are holding back because they do not initiate or want it.

·       You want less physical connection but feel pressured or uncomfortable when they force it on you.

·       They are condescending to you in any way shape or form. This includes mocking you about your weight or body shape; telling you how you should dress or look; belittling things that matter to you; not celebrating your accomplishments; making you feel lesser of a person.

·       You are constantly afraid of them leaving. Your friends have heard you say things like “When they leave.” “If they leave.” “I hope they don’t leave.” “Do you think they’ll leave?”

·       The relationship is easily threatened.

·       They are overly protective of you and do not want you hanging out with other people or making friends.

·       The energy you spend on them outweighs how much energy they spend on you or how much energy you spend on yourself.

·        They apologize a lot, but you never see a difference in behavior.

·       They never apologize because they are convinced or convince you, they did nothing wrong.

·        They do not respect your things.

·        They complain, but do not thank you for kind gestures.

·        They demand things from you.

·        They lie to your face when you know the truth.  

·        You have different standards for how they treat you than you would allow someone else to be treated. 

This is not just for romantic relationships. Read that list again and apply it to your friend group. 

If any of these bullet points made you think for even a second: “Am I in an abusive relationship?” The answer is 100% yes.

You have two options: Stay and hope they change OR leave and learn to value yourself because you are worthy of so much more.

If you are in serious danger, please call 911, reach out to a friend, or contact me on Facebook. I will get you the help you need if you reach out. You are not alone. It is not easy to leave an abuser, but it is possible to be a survivor of abuse.   

The bar is low. The standards for how we let other people treat us reveals the standard we have for ourselves. People do not understand their own worth. This does not excuse abusers. My message is for the ones being abused.

We will never believe the love that we have until we know what love is. If we are constantly picking at every imperfection, setting impossible standards, believing the bare minimum about ourselves, and hating our reflection- how can we possibly believe someone could love us? We have been trained to hate ourselves. 

We value ourselves in the eyes of strangers and wonder if we will ever be good enough.

I scream, ENOUGH!

No one will tell me whether or not I am beautiful- I am.

No one will tell me that I’m too this or too that- I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

No one will tell me how I should look or express myself- I hold my spotlight.

I never understood affirmations until I believed them. I wanted to live in a world where people were kind, and I could love freely. I always imagined I was damming up my love because the world didn’t want it. I kept being in relationships with people who rejected, smothered, and shut me down. 

I will take my share of the blame. If you want to tell me it's my fault. But the only blame I'll take was not realizing how valuable I am. A mistake, I will never make again.

Since I have undammed my love, I live in a world where people are loving and kind. I give out sincere compliments of love and affirmation and in return, I get the same amount of love and affirmation back. I don’t have to lower my standards of how I deserve to be treated. The people who are drawn to love, rise to the occasion.   

I am living the way I want to be treated because I treat myself that way every day. I am giving kindness out like confetti. Showering people with love like water. Uplifting people who I admire. I am living my best life! 

Love is free. Trust is earned. Boundaries are mandatory.

Say it loud and say it proud. These are the standards humanity needs to live by.

Love and appreciate yourself. You are amazing and no one needs to tell you that. Just live it 😊