What has Changed?

I’d like to start off by answering the title of this blog. A lot has changed, and it wasn’t overnight. It has been a long and sometimes painful process, and I don't think I'm done either. I’d like to tell you a little bit about it.

For the last 5 years, I took a sabbatical from my faith. I blamed God for the death of my uncle, and I just couldn’t understand what God’s problem was with me. I couldn’t seem to catch a break. Emotionally, I was up and down. I felt hopeless countless of times. In the year 2017, I began living for myself. I kept God as background noise or potential option if I was ever in a real pickle. I could switch my God talk on and off. I had been trained since birth to be a follower of Jesus, and yet when push came to shove, I ran off.

I always loved the story of the prodigal son. Quick recap of the story. Son wants his inheritance early, leaves his father’s beautiful, bountiful, lavished home, and heads off on his own. The son, not long after, squanders all the wealth he had. Finding himself eating the garbage leftovers with pigs, the son thinks it is better to head back home and be a servant of his father’s. The son rehearses his apology speech over and over as he approaches his father’s house. The Father sees his son off in the distance and begins running towards him. The Father doesn’t even give time for the son to give his apology speech. He is hugging him and kissing him and weeping over his lost son returned. The Father even prepares a feast.

I was that prodigal daughter. I wanted the perfection of Heaven on Earth, and I wanted God to do things my way. He didn’t give me what I asked for, so I left. I was angry, confused, and broken. I did stupid things to show my independence from God. I just kept making things worse for myself. I ignored my gut feelings and made decisions that costed me my peace and so much more.

So, what has changed? Did you ever pray God would give you a sign? Cause I did, and He gave me a literal sign. It was February of 2021, and I was driving home from an amazing three week trip in North Carolina with my best friend. I was passing a church called Jesus Time Tabernacle. The reason all these details are important is because I made a video talking to Jesus telling him that I didn’t know him, and I didn’t trust him. I told Jesus if he actually existed to make himself known to me. Only an hour and a few minutes later, I passed a billboard that said “Concerned? Jesus can be trusted”.

It was a literal sign that started my journey back to my Heavenly Father’s arms. Now I didn’t run back. I still had my hesitation and lack of faith. But God kept drawing me closer and closer.

My mom asked me if I wanted to be a part of a Healing Journey class starting in September of 2021. Personally, I didn’t want to pay for it, but I was open to doing it. I felt so broken as I continued to mess my life up that I needed something. It was the best birthday gift she could have given me. God began the healing work he’d been wanting me to seek out. He revealed Himself to me in ways I could digest. I had an amazing group of ladies that I felt I could trust and be vulnerable with.

I have been changed. If anyone is in Christ, they are a new creation. The old has passed away, look for the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17) I’ve been made new again by my loving, welcoming, and gracious Heavenly Father. God always knew I couldn’t run too far from Him. He always had a grip on my life. I’m done fighting His will for me. I’m just trusting that God is good, and He knows best. Even when I can’t see it, even when I don’t understand, and even when I don’t get what I want, God is good.

          

Church on Sunday

I remember when going to church on Sunday was a chore. My parents would wake us up early, put us in nice clothes, and then I had to sit through Sunday school and service. I used to envy the kids who didn’t have to wake up early on the weekend. I loved sleeping in and felt it was unfair that I only got one day of the week to do it. My love for sleep would trickle into service. If the pastor had a soothing voice or made points I didn’t grasp, I’d close my eyes and take a little nap. I wasn’t getting much out of those services.

When I moved out of my parent’s house in 2018, I stopped attending church. I had some negative experiences with church people, as often as people do, and I told my parents “I love Jesus, but church isn’t for me.” I felt like church was an obligation that I could opt out of. I didn’t have a place or a home at church. I did when I was younger, but the older I got the more foreign church people became to me. I was angry at the church. Assuming, like most, it is full of hypocrites. Also, in my pride, I thought there was nothing more I could learn about God by attending church.

God has been working on my heart tremendously. I’ll have to fill you in with other blog posts later, but for now, I’m just going to focus on the topic of this one- Church on Sunday.

In January of this year, my parents and I started to attend a church called Northridge. I was a skeptic at first. Going to church was really a way of guaranteeing I’d see my parents every week. They also agreed to pick me up because my house was on the way. The church had these things called community groups. Whoever was speaking would always encourage us to get connected and join a community group. The church was also super tech savvy having an app to download to take notes and get information. I was a little overwhelmed at first by their flashy presentation for worship. Felt sometimes like a concert more than Sunday service worship. But I kept attending.

The cool thing about Northridge is that there are so many people volunteering, loving God, and wanting to serve, that you don’t get forgotten. I had shared my email beginning of April because I was interested in joining one of these community groups. I have a hard time trusting people and making friends, but God was putting it on my heart that I needed to get connected. I had someone reaching out to me in an email so quickly, I was shocked. I thanked the lady for reaching out but told her that I was not going to join a community group until I finished my Healing Journey class end of April. (I’ll share more on that in a different blog post too.)

The end of April comes and lo and behold, the lady reaches out to ask me if I’m ready to join a community group. Once again, I was shocked that she even remembered. I felt so loved and wanted just from a simple email. I did end up joining a community group, and I’m very glad I did.

On August 14^th, I had a decision to make. My parents were out of town, and I had to choose whether I was attending church alone. It was at that moment I realized going to church on Sunday was no longer a chore. It was actually something I looked forward to. I love being surrounded by other believers who raise their hands to worship. I love the songs they sing that remind me that when I’m in God’s house, my shame can be left at the door because it is not welcome. I love the messages that really capture my attention and leave me with something to think about. I love the atmosphere of acceptance and belonging that the leaders of the church diligently express.

Every Sunday, we are greeted by whoever is speaking with “Welcome Home”. I’m so thankful to have found this home.

I am volunteering in the Kids' ministry, and I’m on the road to becoming a member. I invite anyone who is looking for a church to check us out at Northridge the Rochester campus on St. Paul Street.

The church is for people who need love, want to belong, and have questions about God, salvation, and Jesus. You don’t have to be perfect to attend. You don’t even have to be saved already to attend. Just check it out. See what feelings you get or observations you make. You might find yourself a whole new church family.