A Spirit of Gratitude

I would like to start by saying that I have a lot to be thankful for. This year was transformational for me. I went from living with suicidal thoughts, racing anxiety, horrible depression, a miserable future, a destructive past, and hopelessness to living with confidence, experiencing joy, being hopeful for my future, and showing mercy for my past. God took my life which looked so broken beyond compare and made it into something I’m excited about. He turned my mourning into dancing.

I don’t believe I am the same person I was a year ago. I was completely lost. I never thought I’d escape the misery that was my existence. I wished for death like people wish for gifts. I was afraid of everyone. I hated myself. I did not want to love or be loved by anyone. I just figured I’d end up getting hurt anyway. I was a shattered individual. The torture was of my own doing. I was the worst to myself. I held no value for my life.

It took me doing something I never thought I’d do that broke me. I finally gave up the fight thinking I could do life alone. I asked for help. In fact, help was gifted to me by my mommy. My mom bought me the Healing Journey Bible study being led by Lisa. It was a 29-week course that met weekly with two hours of homework due each class. It was advised to break the two hours into two separate days. I needed help and God sent me on the road to healing. I started the Healing Journey in September 2021. I am so thankful my mommy gave me this gift.

What I did not know until recently was that I had a cousin, Manda, who prayed that I would go through the Healing Journey. I do not remember if she had ever told me about it and maybe she did, but at the time I was hesitant. Either way, God answered her prayer. I’m so thankful He did.

The Healing Journey opened my eyes to the Bible in a new way. I could actually relate to Bible characters. I could digest the stories. We were not just rehashing the Bible stories I grew up knowing. We looked at the trauma, the hurt, and the pain, but we also looked at how God gives us a path to heal from pain. People who follow God are not exempt from pain. Instead, those who know God are equipped to process, understand, and heal from pain. And just because God wants to show us His love, He gives us the blessings He promises. I am thankful for God’s promises.

I was afraid that when the Healing Journey was over that I’d fall back into my old patterns. The remarkable thing about God is, that nothing is by accident. My parents are my parents because God knew that I would need them. They invited me to go to Northridge church with them at the beginning of January 2022. I went with them at first because it was an excuse to see my parents. That changed though. I am so thankful for Northridge Church.

Come spring, my Healing Journey course was over in April. I had someone reaching out to me from my church encouraging me to get involved with a community group. I joined one because I already kind of knew one of the leaders. I also liked that they met biweekly. I didn’t want to be overly committed. Little did I know how much I would love community group. Any opportunity to spend more time with them is something I enjoy. I am so thankful for my community group.

Lastly, I started serving in Kid’s ministry. I was a little rusty teaching the Bible, but God’s word never comes back void. I had hidden God’s word in my heart when I was a kid. That was never lost to me. It has been such a joy to teach 3^rd grade. Sometimes I even get thrown into a second and third-grade combination class. By the grace of God, things always go well. I am so thankful to be serving.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I don’t want to stop being thankful even though Thanksgiving is over. I want to continue to find reasons to thank Jesus for His blessings. I want to have a spirit of gratitude. I want to constantly find reasons to say thank you. Thankful in times of peace and thankful in times of tragedy. When I set my eyes on things above and the goodness Jesus has shown to me, I can’t say anything else but “Thank you”. If Jesus did nothing else but die on the cross so that I could have a relationship with God, that would be enough. I am so thankful for the cross. I am thankful that who I am today is not who I was last year. I am thankful that God is not finished with me yet.

I am thankful for all of you who read my story. Be encouraged and please feel free to reach out. I have not forgotten what it is like to feel hopeless. I just know who my hope is in.