Dealing with People 101

            My English teacher pointed out to my class at the beginning of the year that people have the tendency to put up defenses and not trust people right away without giving people a chance. We don’t like getting hurt so we automatically go into safety mode. Meeting new people, making new friends, accepting others is difficult because we are too afraid to be hurt. We think since this person hurt us in the past of course this new person is going to hurt us again and the cycle will continue.

           

I’ve learned this way of thinking is called “Black & White thinking”. This is when there is clearly no other solution to a problem other than blank or blank. That person is either this way or that way. It’s actually a pretty negative way of thinking; not to mention, it isn’t very colorful.

           

My English teacher continued to talk about the behavior of people and how untrusting we’ve become, but then he said something very profound that stuck out to me. “We should trust people first and tell them to prove you wrong for trusting them. If or when they do, put your defenses up.”

It isn’t a “pour your heart out to a person and give them your social security number when you first meet them” kind of trust, but more of an “I think you’re worth getting to know and I’m gonna let you know me” trust. If they prove you wrong for trusting them, then there is a reason to be untrusting. If a person has never done anything bad to you because they don’t know you, yet you refuse to let them in, how will you know that they won’t continue to do nothing bad to you? Do you know what I am saying?

People can be horrible creatures. I know because I am one, but some people do the best they can at being kind and loving and considerate of others. If we instinctively believe everyone is out to get us and evil, we’ll miss out on all the people who want to love us and want to see us thrive in life. Yes, getting hurt by other people is an inevitable part of life. It really shouldn’t come as much of a shock anymore. People mess up and fail, but it’s those moments when we pick ourselves up, brush off the dust, and keep moving that make life beautiful.

Real life is a risk. If we don’t take risks, life will pass us by. My band teacher today actually read a story about a guy who accepted failure. He “knew” he was gonna fail at something so he wouldn’t even try to succeed. He had a crush on this girl that people told him was out of his league so he never asked her out. At their ten-year high school reunion, the girl admitted she had a crush on him and was upset he never asked her out. His dream was waiting to happen, but he didn’t have the courage to take a risk. He learned, it is better to fail with a bang then accept failure.  

Life is all about failing and learning. If we never failed, we’d never learn. An awesome part about life though is, we don’t always fail. We succeed sometimes too when we are willing to take risks. Outweigh the failure with the success. Sometimes putting life into perspective really helps with risk taking. What is the worst thing that could possibly happen and what is the best thing that could actually happen? Ask those kinds of questions when faced with a challenge.

I’m writing this because I’ve been taking a risk. I’ve chosen the “Prove me wrong for trusting you” stand point instead of the “You are automatically untrustworthy” one. So far things have been going great. I have a new friend and I love the company.

God did not make us to live in fear, and He didn’t make us to go life alone. Although He is the best and ultimate friend to have, sometimes He shows His love through other people whether they know it or not. So don’t be afraid to let people in. The best friendships come unexpectedly whether they are short lived or long lived. Don’t deny yourself the opportunity of love and happiness because of fear of getting hurt. Princess Diaries taught me, “Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the realization that there is something more important than fear.” So Listen, Laugh, Learn, Love and Live, the world can be a beautiful place.

I’m gonna end this with a verse from my favorite psalmist King David:

Psalm 56:3-4 “When I am afraid, I will trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

Well Done

This blog is for all the people who have gone through dramatizing events, anything that caused you pain, something that made you cry, and things that you wish didn’t happen.

You may not realize this, but you are a champion. You are amazing and remarkable. There are days when you won’t feel that way because the past will be breathing down your neck or people will just be cruel to you, but you are victorious.

Every time you wake up, you show the world that you’re not done fighting. When you smile, you tell all those people that hurt you or still hurt you that they have no power over you. When you laugh, you tell your troubles that you have no time for them. When you rest, you tell everyone that you won’t lose sleep over your problems.

Stop being so hard on yourself and realize how incredible you are! You’ve been through so much and survived!

Sometimes your smile may just be a face, but someday that face will match your feelings.

Don’t lose hope.

Even when you don’t feel it, you are fantastic.

Even when you don’t see it, you are beautiful.

Everyone goes through hard times. You’re not in this fight alone, but you are already winning this fight by being alive.

So keep living and showing off how strong you are.

Well done!  

You’ve got 24 hours

What if the bank gave you a million dollars to spend in a day? You couldn’t save it and at the end of the day whatever you had left was taken away. What would you spend it on? Would you spend some on your family? Would you spend some with your friends? Would you spend it on yourself? Think about it. What would you do?

Well in life, we get 24 hours in a day. You can’t save those hours and you can’t get more the next day. How do you spend those 24hrs? Tricky, huh? My dad taught me about it. Everyone has 24hrs in a day, but why do some people say there isn’t enough time in day? Other people get lots accomplished in 24hrs. Some people, like myself, feel like I do nothing. Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but I seem to feel like I can’t get enough accomplished in the amount of time I have. Why is that?

Now a days, we have too many ‘time wasters’. We play with our phones, check Facebook, watch TV, watch movies, and I’m sure you can think of others. We put so much value on money that we forget how valuable time is. Just like your money do you spend time with your friends and family? I am really good at wasting time. Trust me, it may not be the most fun, but I can waste time. I put the pro in procrastination. (I got that from a shirt.) I sometimes forget how valuable our time is. The Bible talks about our time on earth being a moment.

All right so this also relates on our social behaviors. How much time do you want to spend on someone you don’t actually enjoy? How many times do you waste an hour on someone and then you waste another on them by talking about how horrible your time is with them? I know I have. So you wasted one hour with a person that drove you crazy, do you really want to spend another with them?

When we dwell on people that make us feel upset or annoyed it is like we’ve invited them to our house. They have no clue you have, but you’ve invited them to dinner, invited them to bed with you, and you’ve invited them to be apart of your morning. Holding grudges is just a way of drinking poison when you’re trying to affect the other person. Guess what, I’m sure you know this, but it doesn’t affect the other person. Usually, they are over it.

I think human behavior is funny in that way. For some reason, we believe that by hurting ourselves some how magically we are hurting the other person we are mad at. Doesn’t that just sound stupid? I do it though. I’m sure other people do it too.

I’m starting to learn not to do that, though. Those people from school that might have driven me crazy during the day are not welcomed in my house anymore. They get left outside. Sure they knock on my door once in a while, but I tell myself not to think about them and let it go. I can’t accomplish anything by being angry or upset with them. I’m only hurting myself and wasting my precious 24hrs. I want to live a life that’s limited in anger so that I can enjoy more hours with people I love. Life is too short to dwell on the past and harp on misery.

So next time you’re inviting someone to your house by being angry with them just let it go. Realize that there are better things you can be doing with your time. Do yourself a favor and let it go. Stop drinking poison. You’ll find yourself feeling healthier and happier. Trust me, I know. I ain’t a pro at it, but I’m learning and growing myself.   
Ain't nobody got time for that!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFEoMO0pc7k

There’s more to learn?

Turns out, there is more to life than being anxious, depressed, angry, and passive aggressive. Yep, I’ve been learning a lot. Recently, I’ve been learning about anger and how to be assertive.

You may not know this about me, but I can be a very angry person. Another thing I am is a rug because I let people walk all over me.

Well how am I learning to deal with all of that?

Good question. Allow to me to shed some light on the subject.

The Bible talks a lot about anger. There are two verses that come to mind when I think about anger, the first is this: Ephesians 4:26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,” So what do you do when you’re angry? You may hurt people physically, verbally, and emotionally. I know I am capable of physically hurting myself and verbally hurting the person I am angry with. A new way to deal with my anger has to do with the second verse. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Next time you’re angry take that 10-minute or 24 hour break from the person you’re angry with or any people for that matter. Evaluate the situation. What do you want to accomplish by being angry? Do you want to get the person mad or do you want them to understand what you are saying? Why are you angry to begin with? Are you really angry with that person or is it something you’re dealing with and they just happen to be an easy target?

It isn’t always easy, but try to remain calm. Blowing up solves nothing. Something I learned and still remember from 4^th grade is that “It is better to cry than be angry.” Sometimes, that’s all anger is. You’re actually hurting and the strongest way to deal with it is to be angry. I always liked being angry over being sad because than I felt stronger. Who needs to be strong when I could just resolve the problem and move on? I have the right to cry.

Crazy thought, right?

 It get’s crazier.

For me, I hate letting people down; I hate saying no; and I hate speaking up for myself and asking for things. That’s what makes me a rug. I’m learning though that I have the same right to live life to the fullest as the next guy. If I am having a problem, I have the right to reach out for help. If someone is bothering me, I have the right to speak up. Now it is never okay to just tell someone “You’re annoying and stupid and I don’t like you.” That solves nothing and it isn’t really necessarily true. That person may be annoying you, but that doesn’t make them annoying. When you address people you’re having problems with always use “I” statements. Example: “I apologize, but I am feeling annoyed with you please excuse me I cannot talk to you anymore.” The truth is no one can make you feel a certain way. You choose how to react to people and to situations. So don’t blame people for your action choices. Take responsibility. Automatically, the person is going to go into defense mode if you insult them. That won’t help you get your point across. Try something new next time you feel angry. Step back and evaluate. What are you trying to accomplish? You can do it! Our brains are powerful things that need to be stretched and taught.

I hope this all makes sense. I’m still learning it myself and I’m hoping this school year I can put it into practice. Don’t be afraid to live life because you’re letting people walk all over you and don’t live your life angry just because it’s the easiest way for you to react. Skills to live life are actually really helpful (who knew). With God’s help I want to be more loving and less angry; I want to be more assertive. 

Invisible Beauty part 2

Discovered

“Wake up, sleeping beauty. I have no prince here to wake you with a kiss.” I fell asleep while she was working on my room. Whoa! Is this still my room? It looks so so…

            “Clean.”

            “Yep, I cleaned it up for you. All your clothes are put away nicely. I also found this locket under a pile of your clothes. It’s so pretty, why don’t you wear it?” That stupid locket. I hate it.

            “Gold really isn’t my color.” Actually, the stupid locket is a joke and I hate wearing because my grandmother gave it to me.

            “Can I put it on?”

            “Please be my guest.” I’d give it to you if I could. In fact, how about you see how beautiful you are really deep in your soul.

            “Wow! It’s so beautiful! You’re so luck to have something as beautiful as this!” She’s spinning around as if she was wearing a dress. It’s only a freakin necklace. But then what if she actually is an orphan and doesn’t have nice things like this.

            “You should open it.” I wonder what she’ll see in the mirror. I hope it doesn’t make her cry.

            “Are you sure I should open it?” Why does she think something is going to pop out and scare her?

            “Yes, I’m sure.” Look at her open it slowly as if her touch can make it fall apart.

            “Wow! Who is that beautiful picture of in your locket? Is it your mom?”

            “What are you talking about? It’s a mirror!” My first response is to grab it out of her hands. “I just see myself in it.”

            “I don’t look like that in normal mirrors. Are you joking with me?”

            “I swear on my life this locket is a mirror. It is a mirror that shows what you truly look like in your soul. Can I look at it while you do?”

            “I don’t know. I’m slightly creep-ed out by your mirror locket.”

            “Please, I want to see how beautiful your soul is.”

            “Can’t you already tell that without looking at the mirror with me?” What is she talking about? She’s just as weird as my grandmother.

            “No I don’t think so.”

            “Oh.” Now she has a sad face on. What is her problem? What did I say wrong? Why am I always the bad guy?

            “You know for my birthday, I’m gonna give you my locket. I think it looks better on you and apparently you know how it works better than I do. So please take it.” I handed her the stupid torturous necklace because I never want to see it again. Knowing her, she’ll hide it in her shirt when she wears it.

            “Okay, I’ll take care of it until you understand it better. But I won’t keep it.” Ugh! Why can’t you just keep it?! You annoy me so much I don’t even know why we are friends.

            “Sounds good.” What a lie.

            “Ladies, it is time for supper.” Ew, Grandmother’s voice gives me the creeps. I really do believe she is an old hag, but only I’m allowed to call her that. Wow, walking down these stairs as slow as Dalila is a work out. I usually just fly down faster than Grandmother can say food. Ugh, step by step, inch by inch. I’m gonna grow old walking down these steps. Finally, the main floor!

            “Well done, you got down the stairs in less than a half an hour.” Opps did I say that out loud.

            “What?” Good she didn’t understand or hear me.

            “Nothing just making a joke. The kitchen slash dinning room is this way.” Few, that was a close one. She probably would have cried.

            “This house is so big! I’d be embarrassed to invite you over my house.” Ha, invite me over her house. Grandmother would never let me go anywhere.

            “Dalila, I’m so glad you could come here.” Is Grandmother embracing her? She barely touches me when we hold hands to pray, but she is hugging my friend. I think everyone wants me to hate her today. Stupid, Dalila. “You can sit next to me at the table. Ruta, you can sit next to her.” The farther away from you the better you creepy woman. Gosh, you’re almost as creepy as the Principle. You could be related. Or maybe you are related.

            “So I went to the Principle’s three times today. My all time record.” I brag about it as if my grandmother cares. Ha, she hates me. Just look at that face of disappoint and disgust. Those beady little eyes of pure hatred for me. Go ahead Grandmother your hatred only makes me stronger.

            “I know. He called me.” Wow, that’s all you’ve got to say for today. Dalila puts you in a good mood. Usually, I’d be sent to my room cause you wouldn’t want to look at me. “Let us pray.” You’re so religious and you’re a jerk. I never want to serve the god you do. “Gracious God above, thank you for your many blessings. Amen.” Short and sweet just how I like them. No sermon before dinner today. “So Dalila, tell me about yourself. I’ve only heard a little from the Principle when he called to ask if you could come over.” I’m sure he actually talked about her a lot to you and on multiple occasions.

            “Well, Mrs.-”

            “You can call me Grandmother if you’d like.” What the fudge?! Who is this woman and why does my freaky grandmother like her so much? I’m just gonna glare at her now. Of course Dalila is smiling. She probably doesn’t have grandparents.

            “Oh well, Grandmother, I’m a straight A student. I do a lot of volunteer work. I want to be a lawyer, doctor, or maybe the president.”

            “Yes, yes, I know about your school life. Tell me about your parents.” Oh she hit the soft spot. Mean old lady, can’t you give the girl a break.

            “I don’t normally like to talk about my parents. My father is rather mysterious. He prefers I not share who he is. My mother is very kind though, but father tells me not to talk about her either.”

            “You’re father being the principle?” Old hag say, WHAT?! Dalila is related to the principle. No wonder he doesn’t have a last name. He doesn’t want people to know his daughter goes to his school. This is crazy!

            “How did you know?” Look at Dalila’s face. I wish I had a camera. Now she knows how creepy my life is.

            “We have a lot to talk about, Dalila. Ruta, leave us.” Of course I get kicked out. Even on my birthday because it isn’t important to my grandmother either. Whatever, stupid. Why bother even saying something. I’ll just slip away.

            “Bye, Ruta. See you tomorrow I guess.” Guess we won’t say goodbye later.

            “Yeah see ya.” I can hear Grandmother shaking her head. That woman is unbelievable.

            All right so here is what I know. The principle likes me. We are friends now and he tried to comfort me when I cried which is a crazy weird thing that is totally out of character for him. He got Grandmother to say yes to Dalila coming over because it is his daughter, but I thought he said she is an orphan. Maybe she is adopted. Guess it isn’t easy having a creepy Father like the principle. Now why would Grandmother say that part in front of me and not everything else? What else could they be hiding from me? Like seriously, is this just something I have to find out all on my own? Who made the rules to the game of my life? Also, why does the locket mirror make Dalila look beautiful, but I just look the same? I wish I could have seen what she had seen. Darn her insecurities. Why did she think I should see what her soul looks like without the mirror? That is the whole part of the mirror, isn’t it? I feel like I am on a wild goose chase. Maybe they are better at covering their tracks than I thought. Oh gosh, Dalila is in on it. She acts like she’s poor when really she is not. Stupid lying friend I have. My life is all a lie. I bet my mother isn’t dead, but my grandmother faked her death so that she could own me and lock me up. Why is everyone against me anyway? What the heck did I do, but become a victim of tragedy? It isn’t my fault I was born beautiful. Maybe it is better if I’m ugly looking. Who really cares anyways, but me? Who even bothers to see me anyway? What would change if looked as beautiful as I am? There is the mirror. The one I hide from Grandmother if she ever decides to come into my room. Piece by piece, I take off the baggy clothes till I only have my under garments left on. There is my body. It’s perfect. Slowly take out the bun. There is my hair. It’s perfect. I take off the glasses. What would people do if they saw this part of me? Would they still reject me? I’ve never felt so insecure in my own skin. I wish I were never born. Guess I’m sleeping nude tonight. It’s only 7:30, but I don’t do homework and I feel tired and sad anyway. Might as well sleep. I wish I could sleep forever. No more figuring things out. No more being hated by the only person that is related to me. Maybe I’m the orphan. I don’t belong here. I just wish I was-