The Wake We Leave Behind Us

If you have ever ridden in a boat, the front of the boat only seems to cut through a little bit of water. When you look to the back of the boat, it leaves quite the trail behind also known as a wake. Although sometimes being one person seems like a small impact on the world, we leave trails behind us or wakes. Sometimes these wakes are good and sometimes they are not so good. None the less, we all leave our own wake on this Earth. It is our choice to decide what kind of wake we leave behind us.

My mother has her own tax business. Now having her own business means she gets to choose who her clients are. She helps family, friends, family friends, and friends of friends. She loves helping people. Saving people money on taxes in a legal way brings her such joy. She will come into the kitchen jumping and shouting to share the good news. Didn’t matter that none of us knew who the person was. 

One time, my mother had a client that wanted her to write off something that was not supposed to be written off. Without hesitation, she told him she would not. The person argued that their boss did the same thing every year. My mother did not budge. She would not do this person’s taxes in an illegal way. She told the person they could pick up their tax documents and take them somewhere else.

I am proud of my mom. She has a moral compass and ethical standards. Money does not phase her or change her mind. She trusts in Jesus and does everything in a way that pleases Him. With her ethical business model, her business continues to grow each year with new clients wanting to use her services. Her words are, “Blessings come when you do the right thing.”

The business society needs more people like my mom. People who have high ethical standards. People who do not budge from what they know to be right.

A professor came into one of my classes and shared their personal business story. They were not a part of a historic fraud, but they knew that they had been a part of unethical behavior. Instead of allowing that to be their legacy, they decided to educate students entering the business world on being ethical. They teach students to have values, make a personal credo, and to live an ethical life.

The Separation Fallacy says that business and ethics do not mix. Business decisions are just business and there is no ethical dimension. Fallacy means myth. The people who came up with the name “Separation Fallacy” know that it is a myth that there is no ethical dimension in business. The truth is, in any business or career, there is always an ethical dimension. 

As more people understand the ethical dimension to business, the more businesses are adapting to a more ethical business model. Businesses can succeed AND be moral. In fact, companies who choose an ethical business model normally have happy employees who love coming to work. Having an ethical business usually gives the business a bigger purpose. Purpose-driven employees are harder working employees.

I am really looking forward to interning with an accounting firm that is ethically purpose driven. The business strategy aligns with my own work strategy. The values line up with my values. When looking for a job, it is important to work for a company with similar or the same values. I learned that from my Cost Accounting professor and my Career Planning class. During recruiting, the advice every company gave us students was "go with your gut. Work for a company that feels right with you."

Every person leaves a legacy or a wake behind them. Our actions impact other people. I am striving to leave a positive, moral wake behind me. It is not always easy, but it is worth living for.

Earth's Cry for Help

Society throws so many ideas at us. We are bombarded with information. As if there were not enough problems for individuals to deal with in their daily life, we also must sift through the overload of material given to us.

Some people are concerned about where their next meal will come from. Other people are concerned about the crack on their smart-phone screen. The inequality in America and even around the world is devastating.

The planet we live on is in trouble. People turn a blinds eye while other people truly cannot see because of the cloud of polluted air that surrounds them. As they suffocate and die in a toxic environment, people of power breathe clean air.

Politics will tell us the climate change is fiction while scientists show us facts, but to whom do we listen?

Sea levels are rising. Coastal floods are increasing. The data is out there. The consequences are felt.

Humankind suffers from diminishing health because of climate change and pollution. Cancer. Asthma. Heart disease. Stroke. Mental health issues. Stress related disorders. Human development problems. Have all increased as humans continue to abuse the Earth.

The Earth is dying! It is our only home.  For some odd reason, we treat it like garbage and decide to ignore its cries for rest. We suck up resources and leave lands barren. We bulldoze and plunder all of Earth’s treasures.

Environmental degradation is our legacy to the future generations. 

Ignorance is bliss. People who try to show us the TRUTH get silenced. Their data is messed with. The words “climate change” crossed out. People of power do not want us to see it, but the truth does leak out.

The businessman who gains power from Earth’s demise does not realize the fragile throne he sits on will not be his when he dies. The Earth cannot sustain our consumption rampage.

We need to be resourceful. We need to remember the days of our ancestors who cherished the Earth. We need to stay connected to nature to live an authentic existence.

The TRUTH is out there. I want to make a difference. I want to see change. My voice alone may not be loud, but united with those who care about the Earth, we can be LOUDER than all the polluted noise.

Consumption Problem

           

            After watching the video, The Story of Stuff (http://storyofstuff.org/movies/story-of-stuff/), I have noticed the golden arrow of consumption even more. I listened to a Wall Street Journal podcast and it talked about how the consumption sentiment increased. People are spending. Businesses are spending. It all makes economists very happy. Now all I can think about is those third world countries America has destroyed by using their resources, giving them our pollution, and dumping our waste there.

            The American dream is actually just a vicious cycle of consumption. We work to make money, so we can buy more or get the best or the nicest or the newest stuff out there. Somehow people are never satisfied with what they have, but we are also ingrained to shop until we drop.

            What would drive our economy if we were not a consumption nation? Would we create? Would we explore? Would we relax? Would we still want more? Since consumption is all I have ever known to drive the economy, I cannot imagine what else is out there. What if people just bought what they needed and not want they wanted?

            I like to pretend I am a minimalist. I say pretend because I have more junk than I know what to do with. I am not a fan of shopping, and I do not care about the latest fashions, but somehow, I still have an overfilled closet. I still stress about not having room for my clothes. The worst part is, I probably do not even wear half of my clothes. It just seems weird to give it all away because maybe someday I will wear that outfit, that shirt, or that dress.

            I know there is more to life than the things I have. There is more to life than how much money I can make so I can buy things to make my life more comfortable or convenient. Yes, it is nice to have money and nice things. But if I only had the necessities of life, I would be happy as long as I had the people around me who make my life worth living. I truly believe our human interactions is what makes life good. People can also be the worst, but when you have those solid people in your life that are always there for you, it does not matter how much you have, those are the people that make you want to wake up in the morning.

            America has a consumption problem. We take, and we take but have forgotten what is really valuable. As Christmas time approaches, people’s consumption is on steroids. Even Hallmark shows try to tell us the Christmas is actually about love and the people around us, but it does not stop people from buying all the perfect gifts for people. There’s nothing wrong with giving presents, but it just becomes too much of the focus. This year, my family is going to try a present-less Christmas. I am actually looking forward to it. Even though my mom always buys me gifts that I love, I want to spend that day just being with my family and loving them.

            I do not want to be known for my consumption. I want to be known by the intelligent people I surround myself with. I want to be known by the good I can contribute to this world. I want to be known as someone who loves unconditionally. I do not want consumption to consume my life.   

By Grace...

My sister and I were talking a long time ago about what word from scripture really defined our life. My word, I thought, was hope. With my depression, I often feel hopeless. I need hope to help me get through those dark days. My sister’s word was grace. My guess for this was because she was the more “rebellious child” so she needed more grace than I did. The truth about grace is, we all need it.

My older brother recently preached a message about grace. It is actually the inspiration for this blog post. Sure, I knew about grace. I’m a good little Christian girl. Everybody in the church knows what grace is…Right?

Ephesians 2:8-9 says, ^“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” I have known this verse my entire life. It reminds us that we cannot earn salvation in Jesus. We cannot earn our way into heaven. It is solely through receiving the gift of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross for our sins that gets us into heaven. By grace, we have been saved through faith.

Okay, so what am I getting at? What are my thoughts behind this grace word? I have already accepted Jesus into my heart. I have received grace to be saved. Boom! It is done. One way ticket to heaven for me. But now what? I’m still here on earth. If I was created to know God, shouldn’t I be with Him already now that I have accepted His invitation to be with Him?

Grace. Why is this word so important? My life is not perfect. I am not a “good” Christian by the world’s standard. I do not like going to church. I do not read my Bible every day. I do not even always pray before I eat. (I know you are all gasping right now at what a horrible person I am). I know I could not possibly earn my way into heaven with my bad habits. That is where the importance of grace comes in.

I may not be a “good Christian,” but it is by grace that I can still share the message of Jesus with people. I am not being a hypocrite. I do not claim to be perfect, I do not judge those who are just like me (imperfect), I do not claim to know all the answers, and I do not pretend that I can do anything to make myself worthy of the title Christian. I am a broken vessel. It is by grace that my life story can still be used by God to show people His goodness. By grace, God can use me.

I often forget my value on this earth. I often wish I did not have to wake up every day. But I am blessed with a strong Momma and amazing sister that keeps me going when all hope feels lost. Grace. I am undeserving of the blessings in my life. Grace. I make mistakes that break the heart of God, but He still wants to use me. Grace. I mark myself unworthy of life, but I am given breath for every new day. Grace.

Grace should not be a word believers use to justify bad behavior. It also should not just be used to describe salvation. Grace is an outpouring of God’s goodness on His people who choose to receive it all day long. Throughout the day, grace.

We cannot do anything for grace. Since we did not do anything for grace, we cannot do anything to have it taken away. Grace is not about what we do or what we have done. Grace is all about what Jesus DID. Jesus’ death on the cross made us worthy of the outpouring of God’s grace instead of God’s wrath. Grace is a covering.

I need hope just as much as I need grace in this life. The grace of God is what gives me hope. The grace of God is what makes me loved. The grace of God is what gives me joy. Without grace, there is no reason for life.

For more about Grace and to hear my brother’s sermon, follow the link here. Be blessed and may the grace of Jesus Christ be upon you.

Long-Distance Relationships

Most people would say that long-distance relationships are hard. Normally, I would agree. The reason I would agree is because I feel the most loved when someone spends time with me. It is hard to spend time with someone who is far away. I have that issue with my older brother who lives in a different state and my roommate from Italy who lives in another state.

Fortunately, my roommate from Italy, Taylor, taught me how to stay connected in a long-distance relationship. She and I are still close even though we are miles apart. Here are some tips on how to make a long-distance relationship work.

First, you must set aside time to connect via phone call or Skype or Facetime. Texting is not an intimate form of communication. For me personally, texting someone every day is annoying. My life is not interesting enough to be in constant communication with someone. Also, life gets hectic, so set aside a specific day where you talk on the phone. That way, you can collect the information you want to share with your friend. Taylor and I talk on the phone every Wednesday. I look forward to that day of the week more than I do Christmas. It works well for both of us. If we cannot connect on Wednesday, we choose another day to communicate.

Second, plan visits to see each other. Phone calls are great, but being able to visit the person at least once in a year will help your friendship. Traveling is expensive, I know, but seeing your friend should be worth the effort of saving up funds to go see them. I have visited Taylor twice and she has visited me twice. It makes the travel expenses a little cheaper when you can stay at the house of your friend. Also, if you plan trips in advance, you can get the flights for cheaper.

Third, keep them in the loop. Just because they are far away and not experiencing your life with you, with technology, you can shoot them a text when something exciting or terrible happens. I still feel a part of Taylor’s life because she lets me know what is going on. I also shoot her texts letting her know what is going on with my life. We also use Snapchat. It is the little things that matter.

Fourth, do not think of the distance as a challenge, but more of an opportunity. My world has expanded because I know people in different states and in different countries. All relationships need effort in order to last. I’m probably closer to Taylor than other friends I have because I am more intentional about staying close. It is possible to do long-distance relationships. The world is a littler smaller thanks to technology. Use it to your advantage.

Fifth, the relationship should not feel like a burden to you. If it is too difficult or too stressful to keep a long-distance relationship, let life take its course. Maybe you will connect again later in life. Do not beat yourself up. You can minimize the number of times you connect on phone call or just talk once a year. I just recently started talking to a person I have not talked to in 2 years! They do not even live far away from me. People usually understand that it is difficult to stay in touch. Don’t hesitate to shoot an old friend a message. You may feel like nothing has changed between you at all.

Those are just a few tips that I have about long-distance relationships. I’m planning on staying friends with Taylor forever, and they have worked for me so far!

Shout out to Taylor for being the best! Love you!

The Right of Passage

In different cultures, the right of passage takes on many forms. (None of this has been researched so do not quote me to friends.) The youth would have to survive in the wilderness alone, kill a buffalo on their own, swim across the ocean, or other life threatening events to prove they were worthy to enter adulthood. In America, we put our youth through college.

So far, college has done nothing for me but stress me out and drive me crazy. I know I'm a smart person, but I don't always learn the way we are required to here. I'm given 100 questions worth of material and somehow I'm supposed to remember the 15 questions worth of material they test me on. How does that prove to anyone that I've learned anything? Maybe if I truly understood the topics I learned about, I could handle 15 questions. But a lot of the information just involves memorizing terminology. There is nothing to understand there. Even if I do understand it, they test on a scenario that I have never seen before. Somehow out of lack of information given to me, I’m supposed to come up with a solution with resources I do not have. Does that sound fair to anyone else? I get that life is full of situations that will not provide me with all the information I need, but at least I will have resources to solve the problem.

I went to a business open house on Monday. A wonderful business (I am hoping to get an internship in and future job) allowed students from different schools to have a tour of their office and introduce them to people in different departments. Everyone there told us that what we learn in school is nothing like real life. That doesn't make me feel like all my/parents' money was wasted or anything. What is college really preparing me for if it has nothing to do with the life I will eventually live?!? Part of me wants to print out my own certificate of graduation with no cost besides paper and ink.

Somehow, my entire future relies on a number and piece of paper that will dictate the job I get. Unfortunately, that number and piece of paper will not reflect anything about me or actually help me in my career. So glad I only have two more years of this. *Rolling my eyes*

Thanks, America for having an outdated schooling system that's expensive and useless for me in my future career. Thanks for trying to force me to learn like everybody else and become another statistic.

For all those suffering through college like I am, hopefully, some day they change this messed up system. Hopefully, our children or future generations will go to college and be prepared for real life. Maybe their piece of paper will mean something.

Back to my Roots

Recently, I had to take a trip back to my roots. I have been raised in a Jesus loving home; and I have been raised on the teachings of the Bible. After my uncle passed away in March, I became very angry with God. I threatened Him that I wouldn’t believe in Him anymore and yelled at Him. How could He take another person I love away from me? Why did my family have to feel so much hurt again?

Last week, I saw the movie “The Shack” with my family. My blog is a small shout out for the movie, but it is mostly about how that movie helped me shape a better image of God. In this world, there are a lot of broken images of who God is. This movie helped me fill in some cracks of my own broken image.

I’ve grown up singing “God is good all the time.” I’ve song “Our God is an awesome God He reigns,” but sometimes it is hard for me to believe that. Why would a God so good allow bad things to happen to good people?

The truth is, I don’t know what “good” is. What I think is “good” are things that benefit me and the people I love. A world that is “good” is all about me, but that’s how a lot of people feel. Sometimes what is “good” for me might be “bad” for someone else. Example: I got the job someone else wanted. Sure, that’s good for me, but it isn’t good for them. Then some people say, “Well maybe there is something better out there for them?” That can be true, but I’m sure it still didn’t feel “good” for them to not get the job they wanted.

God is good. He is love. When we allow God to sit on the judgment throne of what is “good” then life can be good. We can trust that a God that is so good will only do things for our good.

Now don’t get mad at me yet, I know what you may be thinking. If God is so good, why are there rapists and murderers? Why do innocent children die and horrible people live a long life? Why doesn’t God just get rid of all the bad people? These are real questions. They were hard for me to answer before watching The Shack, but now I understand the heart of God better.

Parents out there, if you had to pick one of your children to eternal damnation in hell, which one would you pick? Would you pick the child who never listens to you? The one that doesn’t behave themselves? Would you pick the one who is always getting in trouble?

I would hope you had a difficult time deciding which child you would damn forever. I would hope that you believed that your child was worthy of love and that you would take their place instead. That’s how God feels about the human race. It doesn’t matter your age, gender, color, ethnicity, we are all God’s children. He loves us whether we choose to love Him or not. For the children of His that do bad things, it breaks His heart, but He doesn’t love them any less.

Maybe it is hard for you to believe that God would love wicked horrible people, but that is what perfect love is. It is not based on what we do, but solely on who God is. God is good. We can never fully understand the mystery of His goodness because we are so egocentric. Fortunately, that does not change who He is.

When I began to understand that this life is not all about me, I felt lighter. Yes, of course, I miss my uncle. This life will not be the same without him, but God didn’t take him away despite me.  God has not changed His love for me just because this life is not easy for me. I live with the hope that one day I will fully understand why I went through the things I did and why I am here.

So, if you struggle with the belief of God because you think there are too many bad things in the world, then watch the Shack. The movie may be fiction, but its ideas are beautiful and full of hope.

Waiting

Have you ever just waited for something? There was nothing else you could do but wait for something to happen or something to come. Before a baby is born, we wait. We wait with baited breath to know if it is a boy or a girl. We want to know if the baby is healthy and has all their fingers and toes. We also wait for people to die, especially when we know they are sick. Instead of baited breath, we breathe heavier or hold our breaths. We say goodbye not knowing if that was the last one, but knowing that eventually, it will be.

I’m currently waiting. Unfortunately, it is not for a baby to be born. My godfather/uncle is sick; he is dying. All I can do is wait. Wait for that moment when earth loses one more good soul. Wait for that moment when I will go completely numb from the amount of pain I will feel. The worst part is, after the waiting, life will go on.

As much as I wish life would just pause in this moment, it continues while I’m waiting. I don’t wait alone either. As Italians, we have been taught to be there together through every hardship. So, we wait together. We wait for this man we love to leave this earth, to finally be at peace, and to finally be in no more pain.

Maybe it is selfish of me, but I don’t want him to go. His life is ending way too fast. He had an amazing life, don’t get me wrong. His kids are the best, his grandkids at least got to know him for a good chunk of time, but he’s still missing out. He is missing my sister’s wedding and my potential future wedding. He is missing the baptism of his grandbabies. And other life events that someone his age should have still been able to see.

All I can do is wait. More and more my heart breaks as I know the waiting will end soon. I know that death is a part of the cycle of life. We come on this earth for only a short while. Who knows why some people visit longer than others on this planet, but it is not our true homes. Those with faith know there is more than this life. I know when the waiting is over, my uncle will be in a better place. His true home is ready for him to return.

Although if I could I would change the circumstances completely, but since I can do nothing but wait, I will also be grateful. I am so grateful that I was chosen to be a part of my uncle’s family. That I was able to love him in this lifetime. That he was there for me if I ever needed anything and that he loved me so much. He was a joy in my life. He will be missed so much.

To all my loved ones in heaven, make sure to have a delicious Italian dinner for my uncle when he gets there. I know he will really enjoy that…

A Smile goes a Long Way

Have you ever just smiled for no apparent reason? Not a fake smile, a full out smile? I've found that even in situations I don't want to be in, if I smile really big, a genuine smile, the situation is more tolerable and I'm put in a better mood.

I have to answer the phone for TakeOut orders at my jobs and when I do, I put on a smile before I pick up the phone. Even though the customer on the other end of the phone can't see my smile (obviously), they sure can hear it! My smile just before picking up the phone goes a long way.

Before walking into an interview, I put on a smile. A smile makes me feel confident, in control, and empowered. As if going in the room with a smile on my face is a kind of armor. I'm not hiding anything. I'm merely showing confidence in myself. I'm becoming approachable. My smile goes a long way.

I watched a YouTube video about body language. A study was done where Princeton students had to pick from two pictures the person who looked the most competent. They had only a few seconds to do so. It turned out the people they chose the most had a smile on their face. Those people were also the people elected into office. Their smile went a long way. (I'll post link to the video below)

The face we make, makes a difference. Our facial expressions matter even when it comes to something as simple as changing our mood. Expressions help us communicate with each other as well as with ourself. Our face will help communicate with our brain what our mood is. Even if smiling doesn't feel right at the moment, you do it. Smiling can change your mood. Just try it. Make sure it's genuine.

There's an old song called "You're Never Fully Dressed without a Smile." It makes more sense to me now than it did before. I can't say I'm one to walk around with a smile on my face, but I'm going to try.

So let me see those pearly whites! Smile because I promise a smile will go a long way.

Body Language

A Life Full of Moments

Life is full of moments. From the moment you took your first breath, made your first cry, spoke your first word, etc… you get the point. Life is full of moments of firsts, but it’s full of more than just firsts. Life is full of moments of seconds, thirds, fourths, fifths etc. It is full of moments of different emotions and different people. Although moments make up a lifetime, sometimes we don’t even realize we had a moment until we reflect on it later.

            I’m learning how to enjoy moments. I try not to expect a moment to repeat or hope for more time in that moment. I just try to enjoy the moment I am in. Example, I met this really cool person and we hung out. I had an amazing time. I was happy and smiling and laughing and joking. I don’t expect a second moment with that person. I’m not saying we won’t hang out again, but if we don’t, it’s ok. I enjoyed the moment with that person fully. I am content. I truly lived in the moment. They owe me nothing. No one can promise tomorrow.

            This blog post has nothing to do with living irresponsibly and not planning for the future at all and being reckless with your life. No, this blog post is about taking the time to fully appreciate every breath you take. Being grateful for every person who passes through your life or even stays awhile. I’m even talking about the people who have hurt you.

            Life is full of moments, even now and then a bad one. The beauty of living in the moment is that moments come and go. Acknowledging a moment can maybe even help you get out of one. If you’re feeling sad and miserable, like I do often, you can tell yourself that it is just a moment. This too shall pass. Just like rivers flow, so does life air and flow.

            Life is worth living. I tend to forget that. I forget that every moment counts, even the lazy Netflix days. I’m hoping to become a little more motivated to realize my studying moments count too.

            There are so many moments we tend to appreciate less because we are ungrateful for the moment we had. If my friend never wants to hang out with me again, I could be upset about it or be thankful that we did hang out at least that once. The choice is mine. You might reach a goal and instead of being impressed with yourself and appreciate the moment of accomplishment, you’re too busy worrying about the next goal. You missed a moment. So think about it next time something amazing happens. Enjoy the moment. Don’t worry about what’s next. Don’t worry about if you’ll ever see that person again. Just live in the moment.

            Life is full of moments. You’ll have more, maybe. You’re not promised tomorrow. Don’t miss out on the moments you’re having.

Hope you enjoyed this moment reading my blog! ^_^ 

A Business Lesson On Love

            Now you probably read this title and think, “Come on, Christa, do you really have to relate everything back to business?” And my response would be “As a matter of fact, I do!” Only sometimes, though.

            The lesson today has to do with fiat love vs commodity love. You may know these terms to describe money. Usually, they are. In case you are not up-to-date on your economic terminology, fiat money is what the U.S. dollar is. Its worth is only backed up by the government saying it is valuable. Commodity money is money that is backed up by something else that is valuable such as gold or diamonds. You’re probably thinking, “ok, Christa, but you used those words in connection to love instead of money. What are you getting at?” Great question! Glad you asked! Let me shed some light on the subject. (pull light bulb switch)

            I use the word love flippantly. Love, just like our U.S. dollar, is valued because a higher authority told us it is important, whether that higher authority is God or society. But what really backs up the word love when we use it? I can tell someone repeatedly that I love them, but does that word really mean anything if I never see, talk to, or acknowledge that person? Now under certain circumstances, it is harder to see people you love a whole lot. Sometimes it is even hard to make time to talk to them. But let’s be real, if you don’t actually acknowledge that person, it is probably difficult for someone to believe you love them. I love my relatives, but I do not always see or talk to them, but I acknowledge I have them and that they are important to me.

            I believe the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” Here’s where commodity love comes to play. Love without action is worthless. Love is merely a word that means a lot of different things. When you use the word love towards another human being, you better be ready to back it up with some action.

I was in a relationship where I thought we were in love like I mentioned before, but when push came to shove, his love for me was fiat. He knew that society deemed it important to “love” your girlfriend, but when I needed him the most his love had no more value than an unsigned blank check.

A marriage couldn’t last on words alone. If a wife tells her husband every day that she loves him, but never wants to spend any time with him, how can he feel like she loves him? A husband can say he loves his wife every day, but if he is never there to share in the work of having a household or being there for her when things are hard, how can she believe he loves her?

People say they can fall out of love, but I think it is more like we get lazy because we do not want to back up our use of love with something more valuable. Every person has a different way to feel love. I truly believe love has to be proven. It is not good enough to just say “I love you.” It isn’t morally right to use “you love me” to get people to do things for you. There is a happy medium. Love should be a positive expression not a manipulation.

I know my parents love me even if they could never say it with words. I know my sister loves me without her even having to tell me. It is still wonderful to hear that they love me, but if that word was taken away, their actions would scream of affections towards me that I am drenched in. I am overwhelming loved by my parents, my sister, and my best friends. They never have to tell me, but when they do, I know with all my heart it is true.

After the Heartbreak

So once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. I gave this boyfriend all my love, all the free time I could give, and bought him super cool gifts. I thought we were happily in love with some regular relationship issues. I thought he was honest with me and a better version of himself when he was with me. I thought we would live happily ever after together. The reality of this tale is that he was the worst. Calling him the worst may sound harsh, but truly I am putting it nicely.

It is always hard when you put a lot of effort into a relationship and it comes to an end, even if it is for the better. Sure the majority of my relationship was bad without me realizing it until June of last year, but there were some good times I can sometimes think fondly of. The truth is, there is always heartbreak after a loss.

Like a true accountant, I use historical data to help me predict the future. So far, my historical data on relationships is a complete and total fail of a disaster. The idea of being in a relationship with someone gives me so much anxiety. Settling down and being committed to one person scares me to the convent. Somehow it is hard for me to overcome this anxiety and fear I have. I’m sure there are good people out there. I’m sure maybe someone could tolerate the real me if I allowed them the opportunity, but I don’t know how. All I can feel is history repeating itself and I will not be dumb enough to let it.

My best friend made an amazing comment in a group message we have with our other best friend. Here is some context before I share it:

I had two bad dreams in a row about my ex. I shared that information with them and proceeded to explain how I use him as an excuse to push people away. Her response is that I need to take charge and live life like he never happened. She said to stop thinking about the past because I was going to miss the future. And then she made this comment:

“We still have so much of our lives to find someone, but we have to do everyone a favor including ourselves and let go of the ones who did us wrong. What happened to us is not going to change, but it doesn’t control us now. We still have unwritten pages to fill with love and heartbreak. The only way you’ll truly be alone is if you stop trying.”

Heartbreak is not easy, but without it, we would never really know if we’ve ever found love. A cliché saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson is “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” We are beings that were designed to love.

Truthfully, I do not think we can only find the best love in a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship or even a marriage. Love can be in any relationship you have with another human being. I may not be ready to date again, but I do not want to miss out on the opportunities to love and be heartbroken again. When your heart breaks it just means, you've loved deeply. There’s nothing wrong with that. Love and heartbreak are a part of truly living life. Don’t use heartbreak as an excuse not to love and don’t use love to stop you from making hard decisions that might break your heart.

Year of Change 2016

The year of 2016 is over. It has been a year with a lot of changes that were both good and bad for me. It is normal for lots of things to change in a year, but sometimes they are not always noticeable and sometimes they are not intentional. This year held a lot of intentional changes. In honor of the new year, I am going to reminisce about 2016; the good changes.

Many of you may know or maybe you do not, but in the beginning of 2016 I was living in Europe from January 20^th until May 22^nd. It was the best 5 months of my life. During that time, I traveled a lot around Europe and I gained a new best friend named Taylor. I also became a victim of the travel bug. A disease I have no desire to cure unless it is giving into traveling more. I became so at home in a foreign place and became so confident I could do anything while I was in Europe.

Coming back to the states was hard for me. I hated being back in my regular routine. After walking past the Ponte Vecchio, seeing il Duomo almost every day and being able to plan a trip to a new place in a whim, the city of Rochester felt boring and more like a prison than home. So, I bought a plane ticket to see my best friend Taylor who lives in North Carolina. After spending a week with her and remembering that I can still do anything even if I’m not in Europe, I cut an unhealthy relationship out of my life. That was one of the best decisions of my life. I allowed this person to make me feel so miserable and sad for so long. It was hard to do it, but it was worth it.

Another great addition to my life that was a change was my parents agreeing to get a puppy! After puppy-sitting for my friend’s dog for a week and my parents falling in love with her dog, my sister convinced them to agree to a dog of our own. What an incredible change of my life. I couldn’t love a creature more! I love being a mommy to my dog and I have a greater respect for dog people.

I have also enjoyed having my older sister being only 14 minutes away from me! For the past few years (pretty much when she started college), she’s always been so far away from me. Now I can see her almost whenever I want and it’s great! I love having my big sister around. She makes my life better.

Speaking of people being home, my New York best friend Micaela has also been home for the school year. I’ve enjoyed being able to swing by her house after school, getting coffee with her, and hanging out more. I think we have become closer than we’ve ever been. Her and I also plan to have our own YouTube channel where we sing cover songs and make videos for them. A plan of 2016 that will be accomplished this year.

My father made a major life change in May by becoming a vegan to lower his blood pressure and get off his blood pressure medicine. Because of his life change, he has amazing blood pressure and no longer takes the medicine. I couldn’t do the vegan life, but I did become a vegetarian. I love not eating meat. I also eat a lot of things and not just salads, although salad is delicious.

I got a new job in July at Jim’s on Main. I still love working there and am so grateful for all the wonderful customers I have met there. The people I work with are great too. I hope to work there for a few years.

Last but not least, I got involved at Fisher and added a minor. I am a part of the acappella group Drastic Measures and I am a finance minor. But school changes are not that exciting so I have very little to say about them. (=P)

Well I am more open to change now. I know that change can be good and I know that even though some change sucks, sometimes it is for the better. So, I welcome the change to come in 2017. Let’s have a great year, everybody!