A Business Lesson On Love

            Now you probably read this title and think, “Come on, Christa, do you really have to relate everything back to business?” And my response would be “As a matter of fact, I do!” Only sometimes, though.

            The lesson today has to do with fiat love vs commodity love. You may know these terms to describe money. Usually, they are. In case you are not up-to-date on your economic terminology, fiat money is what the U.S. dollar is. Its worth is only backed up by the government saying it is valuable. Commodity money is money that is backed up by something else that is valuable such as gold or diamonds. You’re probably thinking, “ok, Christa, but you used those words in connection to love instead of money. What are you getting at?” Great question! Glad you asked! Let me shed some light on the subject. (pull light bulb switch)

            I use the word love flippantly. Love, just like our U.S. dollar, is valued because a higher authority told us it is important, whether that higher authority is God or society. But what really backs up the word love when we use it? I can tell someone repeatedly that I love them, but does that word really mean anything if I never see, talk to, or acknowledge that person? Now under certain circumstances, it is harder to see people you love a whole lot. Sometimes it is even hard to make time to talk to them. But let’s be real, if you don’t actually acknowledge that person, it is probably difficult for someone to believe you love them. I love my relatives, but I do not always see or talk to them, but I acknowledge I have them and that they are important to me.

            I believe the saying, “actions speak louder than words.” Here’s where commodity love comes to play. Love without action is worthless. Love is merely a word that means a lot of different things. When you use the word love towards another human being, you better be ready to back it up with some action.

I was in a relationship where I thought we were in love like I mentioned before, but when push came to shove, his love for me was fiat. He knew that society deemed it important to “love” your girlfriend, but when I needed him the most his love had no more value than an unsigned blank check.

A marriage couldn’t last on words alone. If a wife tells her husband every day that she loves him, but never wants to spend any time with him, how can he feel like she loves him? A husband can say he loves his wife every day, but if he is never there to share in the work of having a household or being there for her when things are hard, how can she believe he loves her?

People say they can fall out of love, but I think it is more like we get lazy because we do not want to back up our use of love with something more valuable. Every person has a different way to feel love. I truly believe love has to be proven. It is not good enough to just say “I love you.” It isn’t morally right to use “you love me” to get people to do things for you. There is a happy medium. Love should be a positive expression not a manipulation.

I know my parents love me even if they could never say it with words. I know my sister loves me without her even having to tell me. It is still wonderful to hear that they love me, but if that word was taken away, their actions would scream of affections towards me that I am drenched in. I am overwhelming loved by my parents, my sister, and my best friends. They never have to tell me, but when they do, I know with all my heart it is true.

After the Heartbreak

So once upon a time, I had a boyfriend. I gave this boyfriend all my love, all the free time I could give, and bought him super cool gifts. I thought we were happily in love with some regular relationship issues. I thought he was honest with me and a better version of himself when he was with me. I thought we would live happily ever after together. The reality of this tale is that he was the worst. Calling him the worst may sound harsh, but truly I am putting it nicely.

It is always hard when you put a lot of effort into a relationship and it comes to an end, even if it is for the better. Sure the majority of my relationship was bad without me realizing it until June of last year, but there were some good times I can sometimes think fondly of. The truth is, there is always heartbreak after a loss.

Like a true accountant, I use historical data to help me predict the future. So far, my historical data on relationships is a complete and total fail of a disaster. The idea of being in a relationship with someone gives me so much anxiety. Settling down and being committed to one person scares me to the convent. Somehow it is hard for me to overcome this anxiety and fear I have. I’m sure there are good people out there. I’m sure maybe someone could tolerate the real me if I allowed them the opportunity, but I don’t know how. All I can feel is history repeating itself and I will not be dumb enough to let it.

My best friend made an amazing comment in a group message we have with our other best friend. Here is some context before I share it:

I had two bad dreams in a row about my ex. I shared that information with them and proceeded to explain how I use him as an excuse to push people away. Her response is that I need to take charge and live life like he never happened. She said to stop thinking about the past because I was going to miss the future. And then she made this comment:

“We still have so much of our lives to find someone, but we have to do everyone a favor including ourselves and let go of the ones who did us wrong. What happened to us is not going to change, but it doesn’t control us now. We still have unwritten pages to fill with love and heartbreak. The only way you’ll truly be alone is if you stop trying.”

Heartbreak is not easy, but without it, we would never really know if we’ve ever found love. A cliché saying by Alfred Lord Tennyson is “tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” We are beings that were designed to love.

Truthfully, I do not think we can only find the best love in a boyfriend or girlfriend relationship or even a marriage. Love can be in any relationship you have with another human being. I may not be ready to date again, but I do not want to miss out on the opportunities to love and be heartbroken again. When your heart breaks it just means, you've loved deeply. There’s nothing wrong with that. Love and heartbreak are a part of truly living life. Don’t use heartbreak as an excuse not to love and don’t use love to stop you from making hard decisions that might break your heart.

Year of Change 2016

The year of 2016 is over. It has been a year with a lot of changes that were both good and bad for me. It is normal for lots of things to change in a year, but sometimes they are not always noticeable and sometimes they are not intentional. This year held a lot of intentional changes. In honor of the new year, I am going to reminisce about 2016; the good changes.

Many of you may know or maybe you do not, but in the beginning of 2016 I was living in Europe from January 20^th until May 22^nd. It was the best 5 months of my life. During that time, I traveled a lot around Europe and I gained a new best friend named Taylor. I also became a victim of the travel bug. A disease I have no desire to cure unless it is giving into traveling more. I became so at home in a foreign place and became so confident I could do anything while I was in Europe.

Coming back to the states was hard for me. I hated being back in my regular routine. After walking past the Ponte Vecchio, seeing il Duomo almost every day and being able to plan a trip to a new place in a whim, the city of Rochester felt boring and more like a prison than home. So, I bought a plane ticket to see my best friend Taylor who lives in North Carolina. After spending a week with her and remembering that I can still do anything even if I’m not in Europe, I cut an unhealthy relationship out of my life. That was one of the best decisions of my life. I allowed this person to make me feel so miserable and sad for so long. It was hard to do it, but it was worth it.

Another great addition to my life that was a change was my parents agreeing to get a puppy! After puppy-sitting for my friend’s dog for a week and my parents falling in love with her dog, my sister convinced them to agree to a dog of our own. What an incredible change of my life. I couldn’t love a creature more! I love being a mommy to my dog and I have a greater respect for dog people.

I have also enjoyed having my older sister being only 14 minutes away from me! For the past few years (pretty much when she started college), she’s always been so far away from me. Now I can see her almost whenever I want and it’s great! I love having my big sister around. She makes my life better.

Speaking of people being home, my New York best friend Micaela has also been home for the school year. I’ve enjoyed being able to swing by her house after school, getting coffee with her, and hanging out more. I think we have become closer than we’ve ever been. Her and I also plan to have our own YouTube channel where we sing cover songs and make videos for them. A plan of 2016 that will be accomplished this year.

My father made a major life change in May by becoming a vegan to lower his blood pressure and get off his blood pressure medicine. Because of his life change, he has amazing blood pressure and no longer takes the medicine. I couldn’t do the vegan life, but I did become a vegetarian. I love not eating meat. I also eat a lot of things and not just salads, although salad is delicious.

I got a new job in July at Jim’s on Main. I still love working there and am so grateful for all the wonderful customers I have met there. The people I work with are great too. I hope to work there for a few years.

Last but not least, I got involved at Fisher and added a minor. I am a part of the acappella group Drastic Measures and I am a finance minor. But school changes are not that exciting so I have very little to say about them. (=P)

Well I am more open to change now. I know that change can be good and I know that even though some change sucks, sometimes it is for the better. So, I welcome the change to come in 2017. Let’s have a great year, everybody!