This is Me

The last two months have been a whirlwind for me. End of July, I was introduced to Dr. Joe Dispenza. He has changed my entire way of thinking. I didn’t actually meet the guy; I listened to him on YouTube. None the less, I was reborn. Since I am no longer who everyone thinks I am, I decided to create this blog as an introduction.

Hello, my name is Christa Lily. I moved out of my childhood home on August 1st. I’m living in an apartment with my best friend since 4^th grade named Micaela. I have two cats (half-brothers Walter and Sibastyan) and a YouTube channel. I am a caregiver for the elderly with Touching Hearts at Home. I have a passion to learn and observe human behavior which leads me to analyze my behavior as well as others around me.

Okay now that we got that out of the way, I really want to talk about how I have made this change in my life.

I used to live in my past. My emotions that caused me to hate life so much were rooted in what had already happened to me. I made neurological connections in my brain for situations and the outcomes. When I love someone, it only causes me pain when they are no longer in my life. If I take medicine for my depression, I am only going to have a negative reaction. If someone offers to help me, they are only going to if it is convenient. When I try to stop being depressed, I will only become depressed again eventually. My life was on a loop.

I had created my future by looking at my past. I was forever doomed to live in a state of feeling broken, lacking, and sometimes being numb. Who could blame me though? I had some pretty shitty things happen. The strongest connections my brain made were those during the lowest points of my life.

The connections made from my past, I used as the road map of my future. I was heading for a dead end. Literally, I wanted to end my life. I did not see the point of living when the future ahead of me was a reflection of my past…miserable. Why would I want that for myself?

Dr. Joe’s talk (the one I listened to on my rebirthday) was about creating a new future for yourself. I never thought I had the power to reshape my future. I never thought about taking each day free from the baggage of the past. I have heard all the cliché lines about letting go of the past. I have read self-help books and learned coping skills. But what Dr. Joe said was different than anything I had heard before.

My emotions, my reactions, and my assumptions were all rooted in my past. Everything that made up who I was, was my past. That me is dead now. I killed her. There is no way for me to repeat the past because I am not the same person. I am training my mind to think the way I want to benefit me the most. I am making conscious decisions on how I handle situations instead of just letting myself react to them based on prior knowledge. Analyzing myself through meditation, I find the connections from my past experiences and choose to not let them affect me now.

I have taken control of my future. My future is still an unknown because I have no idea what events will occur, but I am not afraid. I don’t face unknowns as something to be feared, but more so as an opportunity for growth. I take each moment as it is and not as a connection to something from my past. I will not be so easily triggered into my past feelings just because it is the comfortable/known reaction to what I thought was a solution. I am having new and improved feelings. I am being mindful of the way I am reacting and thinking.

Everyone who knows me has their own neurological connections of who I am. On the contrary, it is who they THINK I am. But I am no longer shy to correct those who assume wrongly about me. Whoever you think I am should die. You need to meet who I really am because this is me.

Check out Dr. Joe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=La9oLLoI5Rc&t=6s