Navigating

Maybe it is because I overthink being a human. Maybe it is because I overthink in general. Maybe I am too self-aware and hypersensitive to external forces impacting my existence. Whatever the reasoning is, I find myself stuck in moments of life that baffle me.

I’m not sure what comes next. I know Thanksgiving is in two days and a blog post about being thankful would be more accurate of a blog post to write, but I already did a blog post about the attitude of gratitude. I do have a lot of things to be thankful for. I could create a blog post that is just a list of them. That seems less interesting than navigating my thoughts right now.

I know I overthink things. I know I dwell on topics that may never be resolved. It is one reason I love philosophy. A subject dedicated to unanswered questions. You can think in experiments. Run things through a simulation of some kind to figure out the closest answer you can get to some of life’s harder questions.

I don’t have any major projects ahead. Luckily, house stuff has slowed down. Sure, there are a few things here or there, but nothing as dramatic as not having a shower for two weeks. I am at a lull moment. A time I should be spending feeling content or dare I say happy. Instead, I find myself frazzled. Once again at a place where I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m not sure how to spend my free time.

I’ve been here before. Seasonal depression is hitting me so hard. I feel like giving up and going to sleep right after work. Unfortunately, I think too much to actually fall asleep, but maybe I could. I don’t think my dog would appreciate that or my normal sleep routine.

I know this isn’t the cheery right before a holiday kind of post people want to read. Truth is, I’m not feeling cheery if that isn’t obvious. I’m a real person who has a lot of feelings. My blog is a safe place for people to connect with me if they’re feeling the same way or just needs someone who gets it and mentally feels better not being alone.

To end this blog on a positive note: I am so thankful for the wonderful times I’ve had this year. I am thankful for my daughter Riot. I am thankful for my parents. I am thankful for my family (which encompasses all my siblings). I am thankful for my apocalypse women (you know who you are). I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful for my boss, coworkers, and just having a job in general. I am thankful that I can overthink and overshare because it is all a part of being alive.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Hope it is a small gathering with loved ones <3 Stay safe!