Get More, Spend Less

This doesn’t have anything to do with spending money actually. I just used that because everyone likes to spend less, but get more. What if we expected less out of life, but got more out of it?

This post is about Expectations.

It is amazing how much false expectations can ruin your life. I personally had way too many false expectations for myself. I wanted to be perfect. Talk about a false expectation. Forgiving myself for messing up was impossible. I’d beat myself up about the slightest dumbest things I’d do wrong.

 Example:

I tried making dinner for my family. I didn’t know how to fry the chicken. In my head, I thought, “My family is going to die of salmonella. I can’t do anything right. This was suppose to be a kind thing for my mom and I don’t know how long to cook the chicken for.” I cried. I felt like a complete and total failure over chicken. Why did I expect myself to be a great cook when I’ve never made dinner before? The last time I made that chicken, I did it with a friend and she did the frying. There is no logical reasoning behind getting all worked up over frying chicken. My dad came home and he ended up frying the chicken for me. I couldn’t even appreciate his help because I was sulking over my failure.

That sounds pretty ridiculous, but it actually happened yesterday. Admit it, there are times you have high expectations and when they aren’t met, you crash. You just hate yourself and everyone around you.

I laugh about it now because I see when I’m doing it. Before I thought I had no reason to be sad. Now I know, my reason for being sad was because my false expectations weren’t met. I was the only person letting myself down. I had an over abundance of grace for everyone else, but for me…I got the short end of the stick.

How awful when I’m stuck with myself 24/7, but I can’t even like myself because I can’t meet my perfect standard. Why do we do that to ourselves?

I’ve learned now to give myself grace. I expect to make mistakes. I expect less of myself and when I do more than expected, I’m proud of myself.

I have on going support team inside my head (more about that in another post). No one needs to pat my back. I’m being much kinder to myself and it has made a world of a difference.

I still catch myself making high, impractical expectations, but at least I’m catching myself.

I hope you too can give yourself some grace. Let loose sometimes. Love yourself the way you’d love a best friend. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself to good things. You are worth it.

Like it or not, you’re stuck with you 24/7 might as well make the most of it.

Low expectations means more wonderful unexpected things!      

Don't Wonder, Know

I’ve decided that since I am growing and changing, I’d let people get to know about me. I use to have a blog called Inside My Head, but I deleted it because it became too much of a diary with information people didn’t really need to know. Now I’ve decided that since I’m learning so much it would be nice to start a new blog and share about my learning experiences. What’s the point of going through life the hard way and not teaching others the better way of doing it? I’m not saying that you’ll actually heed my advice, but no worries, let it just entertain you if nothing else.

So as you can tell, if you’ve looked on my blog already, I have lots of posts of poems and a story I’m writing. I think my writings are a way of getting to know me. It is easy for me to express myself in poems. I didn’t write those poems in one night either. They’ve been written over the course of my short life. I still love them though. The story Invisible Beauty will be continued in a later post. I just have to write more.

I’m hoping to write more of my short life’s journey soon, but for now I’ll leave with this.

More to come.  

War

Feelings laugh at me while Emotions mock me.

Will rebukes them both.

War rages inside me.

The swords are being drawn.

My mood becomes a tired sadness.

I slowly sink into the agony.

No one must know so anger covers my sorrow.

Emotions leave and Feelings go!

I don’t want you!

You cause too many problems for me.

Will is stronger than both of you and he will get the last say.

Mind is his ally.

Together, they over throw Feelings and Emotions.

Why then do I still feel pain?

Why does the War continue?

Heart could end it all, but doesn’t get to say anything in the matter.

I’m afraid what it will choose.

I’ll keep fighting my war and won’t lose sleep over it either.

  Until Will and Mind win, I won’t give up!

Unbearable Dream

To long for a touch or to long for a feeling is like lapping water from a stream instead of drinking it.

You never get satisfaction.

You end up thirsty wanting more.

If you lean in too much you end up falling in, forgetting your thirst, thinking you’re satisfied in the water.

Wrong, you’re still thirsty, but there is an illusion that you can’t get passed.

You’re not really happy; you’re wet, cold, and alone wishing you had just drinken the water.

Why can’t dreams that seem foolish work out?

Why does love seem to make us thirsty?

Is there something about being attractive to others that make us lap love?

There is a well of living water, a spring that doesn’t go dry, a love that is deeper than any ocean.

Why settle for lapping?

Think hard and dream big, even if it seems unbearable.

The Work of God

The caution of night
with brilliant light
as the sun slowly melts away.
Though I cannot stay much longer
I earnestly hunger
for more of God's handy display.

I waited all day to see the sun set,
but Jesus' work isn't done yet;
for the painting goes on
and His hands never stop
if He's carving some wood
or making a pot.

My Jesus keeps busy,
but still he has time
for a child like me
one of His greatest designs.